


Insidious

by FrankieFandom



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Broken Bones, Concussions, Drugged Sex, Emotional Hurt, Extremely Dubious Consent, Gags, Gangbang, Hospitals, Humiliation, I'm Sorry, Injury Recovery, M/M, Manipulation, Mildly Dubious Consent, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Paralysis, Physical Abuse, Punishment, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Sex, Sex Toys, Sexual Abuse, Sexually Transmitted Diseases, Surgery, Tags May Change, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Wax Play, Whipping, hurt!Casey, worried!Severide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:02:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 32,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22578268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrankieFandom/pseuds/FrankieFandom
Summary: Adam is great, he cares for Matt, and that's all he wants. Someone that cares for him, someone that loves him. He found that with Adam. He was safe with Adam, wasn't he?
Relationships: Matthew Casey & Kelly Severide, Matthew Casey/Kelly Severide, Matthew Casey/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 244
Kudos: 123





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is a super-duper AU timeline. Darden died a couple of years ago. Hallie never existed. Dawson was never accepted to the fire academy because that was just bizarre. Shay never died. Mills is a regular firefighter. Cruz is on Truck 81. Casey never had his head injury. It's a storyline that's been whirling around my head and demanding to be written for a few years now. It's nothing like I've ever really written before, and it's not going to be liked by everyone, and it's probably not gonna be very good. Updates will probably be pretty slow. Sorry!

Matt Casey was a walking contradiction. He was strong and in control on the job, yet so insecure about himself and so desperate for someone to take control from him in his downtime. He was armed with a million-dollar smile and a face everyone called pretty. He was anything but straight and he's not afraid to experiment or cross the line in the bedroom.

Matt met him at a bar, he'd resorted to downloading an app a few weeks ago, Grindr, to get over Kelly Severide. He was on the rebound and he just wanted sex, he wanted to relinquish control, he needed it. The coloured lights dazed him, the alcohol he'd consumed relaxed him and the man in front of him excited him. The man paid for Casey's drinks, he lost count of how many. They went home together. They went to Matt's place, it was the closest, to the same bed he and Kelly had shared for so long but Matt didn't give it a single thought as they slept together, no, as they fucked each other would be more accurate. Matt struggled against the firm grip when he realised the man wasn't using a condom. He wanted to protest but he didn't and he said nothing when the man came with a throaty groan, pulled out and practically rammed the plug, the one he'd found in Matt's nightstand when he'd been searching for lube, into his leaking passage.

It was only several hours afterwards, when he woke covered in his own dry come, that they exchanged any sort of conversation, when the plug was removed with a groan on Matt's part as the tight rim of his hole and the man straddled him and held him down. He was entered roughly, and the man's hips slammed into him again and again. Matt felt the burn from being entered. He revelled in it as the musk of their arousal filled the room. The bed groaned under the pressure and Matt moaned from the pleasure. He bit his lip, tasted blood, and spread his legs asking for more. He knew the man was trouble from the bruising grip on his wrists, but he wanted it all the same.

This wasn't the first guy he'd met through Grindr but the others hadn't given him anything close to what he needed, they were decent fucks but that was all. He'd been alone for too long, no real family, and now Kelly was gone too, and he'd never been the centre of his world, he'd cheated on him, had a one-night stand with some pretty young brunette. Matt deserved to be cheated on, deserved everything Kelly had done to him, but Matt had opened up to him and now he felt like he'd been ripped apart. He needed to get over him. Matt liked someone taking away his responsibilities, liked letting someone else take the shots, he could let go of everything when someone took control in the bedroom, he was the centre of his dominants world when they were inside him and he craved that. The man came inside of him twice that night and once again in the morning. They were both spent.

Matt thought the man would have left whilst he showered, but he was still lying on the bed when he returned to his room. Matt smiled, glad that this wasn't going to be a one-time thing because he needed this man more than anything right now.

His name was Adam, and Matt was going to be seeing him again, because Matt wouldn't be the only one getting something out of their new relationship.


	2. Do it Again

"Do you really have to go?" Adam almost purred, stroking Matt's arm, he was possessive at times.

"The firehouse will fall apart without me," he teased.

"I'll fall apart without you." Adam grabbed his arm.

"Very smooth." He grinned, pulling his arm away from Adams grip. "You can keep the bed warm for me." He flashed him a smile as he stood up and picked up his scattered items of clothing. He really should bring some more clothes over to Adams place, he kept turning up at shift with creased clothes. Of course, Adam always offered to have his housekeeper go over them but Matt refused, he still found it odd how one man needed a housekeeper, but then again how else would he keep on top of his large house's upkeep.

Casey arrived at the firehouse just before roll call, he changed into his uniform quickly and joined everyone in the briefing room. Herrmann cast him a smile as he sat entered. Severide trained his eyes on Boden who entered just behind Casey, he could still barely look at Casey now, almost two months after their breakup. Nothing unusual was said or discussed that morning and they slowly trickled back into the rest of the firehouse.

Severide was making a habit of avoiding whatever room Casey was in, it hadn't been missed by the rest of the firehouse, but they worked together just fine at scenes so neither of them had been pulled into Boden's office to discuss the matter. Which was fine by Severide because there was no way he was going to admit to ever even going out with Casey, he wasn't going to admit to sleeping with a guy. Kelly Severide was straight, he was as straight as they came. Of course, he could just put it down to some disagreement, but Casey wasn't a very good liar, and everyone knew which way he swung for.

Severide overheard Otis and Cruz as he followed them out of the room. "Casey was almost late again," Otis spoke curiously.

"So…"

"He's been rather happy lately too," Otis commented.

"Probably seeing someone, which is none of our business, so don't let him catch…"

Otis interrupted him. "Do you think he takes it up the ass?" he said casually.

"What?" Cruz questioned, more shocked at the forwardness of the question than the content.

"You do know that…"

"I know what you're talking about, I just can't believe you're even thinking about… and besides Casey likes control, I bet that translates into the bedroom," Cruz responded with a small shrug and knowing look.

Severide pushed through the two of them and made his escape to the squad table. He opened a pack of cards just as the alarms rang out for Truck 81. He kept is eyes on Casey as the man strode up to his truck, quickly jumping into his boots and pulling his turnout pants up before hopping into the rig.

Truck 81 were back at the firehouse a little over two hours later. A false alarm, an elderly couple had been worried they could smell gas. Severide watched as Casey got out of the rig, his cap was on, his grey polo shirt was a little damp with sweat from working in the scorching summer heat, and the first thing he did once his turnout jacket was hanging on the side of the door was to check his phone. He was smiling down at the screen, a smile that Severide only used to see when they were together.

A beast had risen in Severide's chest. He stood up. "Let's go for a fuel run," Severide announced.

Once back at the firehouse Severide went straight to the bathroom. Casey was standing by the sink, washing his hands.

Severide paused by him. "Hot out," he commented.

"It's summer," Casey responded, rolling his eyes as he shook his wet hands and walked away.

* * *

Matt stepped out into the morning sunshine when his shift was over. He was wearing cargo pants and a loose light blue t-shirt. Casual and comfortable. His old sports bad was swung over his shoulder, he'd had the thing for years, but there was no point in replacing something that couldn't just be fixed. He squinted in the sun when he noticed a familiar vehicle at the end of the driveway. He smiled when the door opened, Adam got out and walked over to him.

"What are you doing here?" Matt asked without hiding his surprise. It was odd to see him here; it was as if both his lives had just converged. Automatically he looked around to see who else was nearby, Adam didn't miss his unease.

Adam looked at him. "Am I not allowed to pick you up from work?"

His eyes darted over to the small parking lot. "My truck is here…"

"Can you leave it here?" Adam questioned.

Matt shrugged. "I don't need to be back here 'til Friday…"

"Twenty-four hours on, forty-eight off, right?"

"Right." Matt nodded, smiling at how Adam seemed genuinely interested.

"Well, what are your plans for the next forty-eight hours?"

Matt just smiled. "I was gonna do some work, but I don't need to," he responded as Adam came closer. "But, Adam, wait…"

"What? What's wrong? Oh… they don't know? Your colleagues?"

"They know, but, what are we, exactly?"

"Exactly?" Adam smirked and leaned into Matt. "You mean, are we just fuck buddies, or is there something more?"

"Yeah…"

"So, we're having that conversation?"

"Yeah…" he said again.

"You tell me," Adam smiled serenely.

"I don't think I want a serious relationship…"

Adam smiled again. "Good. Get in," he said sharply.

Matt followed suit as Adam got into the back the car. The driver nodded to them as the buckled their seatbelts.

"You have a driver?" Matt couldn't stop himself, looking at Adam questioningly.

"We need to go by the office, you don't mind?"

"No, course not." He shook his head.

Adam took his hand. "I can show you where I work, it's a bit more glamourous than a firehouse."

"I bet." Matt chuckled.

As they set off in the car Adam moved over, holding Matts arm firmly and planting a kiss on the side of his face. "I missed you. In a none-serious-relationship kinda way. Tell me about your shift?"

"Was just typical."

"Sitting around and eating donuts then?" Adam retorted.

"That's cops. We just sleep," he responded.

"What about the guys you work with? You never talk about them?" Adam asked him.

"You wouldn't be interested in them."

"I'm interested in you."

Matt grinned. "We've already established that I'm not that interesting."

"Your body is interesting. Especially in the bedroom."

"Only the bedroom?" Matt quipped.

"The pool, the kitchen, the bathroom, the games room… where else?"

"Think you've covered it…"

"How about the office?"

Matt laughed, then he frowned. "Wait. Are you serious?"

"I'll put public sex on the maybe list then…"

"How about the no list."

"Thought you were up for anything?"

Matt considered Adams words for a moment. "All right, maybe list then."

* * *

There weren't many places where Matt felt uncomfortable but standing in Adams office on the top floor of one of the tallest buildings in Chicago, whilst Adam was sitting at a big oak desk, facing a man wearing a suit that looked as though it cost what he earned in more than a month, that did make him feel out of place.

Adam was tapping the desk rhythmically as the man spoke to him, he wasn't even feigning interest. Matt wasn't sure what he was supposed to be doing there so he just turned and faced the window, looking at the vast view across the city.

His thoughts were broken when the door closed, the man had left, and Adam had stepped over to him. "Sorry about that."

"What exactly does the head of a law firm do?"

"I was a lawyer, now I just run this… it was my father's company, and his fathers before that and his father's father before that… there's a long line of us… enough about me though! What did your dad do?"

"My dad?" he repeated, surprised by the question. "He… he had a few different jobs, nothing special."

"Huh…" Adam pondered.

Matt smiled. "What?"

Adam said nothing, he just began to undo the belt that held up Matts cargo pants. His warm breath brushed against Matt's neck as his nimble fingers slipped beneath his boxers as his pants fell down. Matt felt like a teenager, the warmth in his groin growing quickly as he pressed against the glass.

"Wait… what if someone comes in?" he questioned urgently, although his worry wasn't lessoning his growing hard on.

"No one comes in here without my permission," Adam responded.

"The glass…"

Adam stepped back, holding Matt's shoulders. "I thought you were up for this? No one can see you."

"Sorry. I am. Don't know what came over me…"

"Oh, I know you are," Adam said, glancing down at Matt's burgeoning cock.

"Don't leave me waiting then…"

"I'm in control here. Not you."

"Sorry…"

* * *

Adams house was impressive, every time Matt was there, he was impressed with it. There was a pool, more rooms than he could count, a cinema room, gym, several luxurious bathrooms, a grand staircase and more. Everything was modern, the whole place was pristine white, inside and out, and the gardener made sure the large yard was in perfect condition.

In the bedroom, Matt lay on the white sheets, only wearing his boxers. He'd showered as Adam had made some phone calls. It wasn't the first time he'd showered in the master bathroom, but he still couldn't get over how nice it was, and he tried not to think of the cost of it all, but sometimes he couldn't help it. Being in construction, he knew how much such a luxurious place like this was to build. He'd done less and less construction jobs recently, but it was getting towards autumn now and work was always slower in the winter months, he'd also been less eager to go out and work now that he didn't need the distraction, and since he'd always been sensible with his money, it wasn't like he needed the money either.

"I thought we could try something new tonight," Adam announced as he strolled out the bathroom wearing a robe. He held up something in his hand.

"What is that?"

"A ball gag," Adam said simply.

Matt frowned. "I need shutting up, do I?"

"Up for it?"

"Sure… what else have you got planned?" he questioned, peering at him; he knew the look on Adams face, and he knew tonight wasn't just about the gag.

"It's a surprise, one I think you'll love," Adam told him.

"And if I don't?" he asked, looking at the ball gag, knowing he'd be unable to shout out their safe word.

"I'll know," Adam responded. "Trust me?"

"Yes."

Matt was soon lying flat on his back, lips spread around the black ball gag, a sheen of sweat over his well-toned body. His abdomen was tensing as Adam prepared him quickly, both their cocks already at full mast. He was breathing heavily, not used to the gag, but it wasn't his focus when Adam entered him without warning.

He felt Adams hands around his neck. He grunted through the gag, eyes wide, but Adam just smiled down at him, continuing to thrust back and forth, his actions becoming more and more brutal as the grip on Matts neck increased.

His eyes rolled back for a moment, right before he came, groaning around the gag, eyes fluttering open.

Adam came and pulled out, watching Matt's face; his eyes were unfocused. He unfastened the gag. "Good?"

He let out a shuddering breath. "Feel dizzy… feels good… I feel good… do it again."


	3. Tie Me Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah, I dunno what this is... I'll go crawl in a hole now.

Matt's forty-eight hours off shift flew by too quickly, all of it spent with Adam. He was in bed, leaning against the headboard, with a mug of coffee that Adam had given him.

"Sorry about that," Adam said, nodding at the hand shaped bruise on Casey's left arm.

He half laughed, shook his head, "It's fine. Honestly. Better hope I packed a long sleeve polo though," he laughed again, "Who knows what the guys will think at work…"

"You have to work today? Do you have to go?"

"Of course I do, I have to go save the city." Matt laughed, placing the almost empty mug down on the nightstand.

"What about saving me?"

"What do you need saving from?" Matt asked him as he stood up.

"Meetings," he answered, pulling a sad face.

"Well, meetings, no matter how boring, don't need a truck crew to save you from," Matt told him.

"I wouldn't mind being rescued by some hot firemen, bursting through the door, glistening in sweat, holding an axe and…"

"You've not met my crew… or 99% of the CFD," he said, chuckling.

"Ah, so you're an exception?"

"Exception?" he repeated as he opened up his bag.

"You're the 1%," Adam responded.

He shook his head as he started digging through his bag for a work shirt.

"I'll get Rosa to clear out a wardrobe for you, save you bringing stuff over all the time," Adam announced.

Matt stopped rummaging in the bag. "Really?"

"You're here all the time, and I want you here all the time."

"Next twenty-four hours are gonna be the longest…"

"Yeah but we'll have fun tomorrow, I'll take you out for breakfast, then we can go shopping; need to update your wardrobe!" Adam snickered.

* * *

Casey was standing by his rig, clipboard in hand, doing routine maintenance checks when Severide strolled up to him.

"Hey," Severide began quickly. "So, we need to over and see the Chaplain after shift, I thought since it's in the opposite direction to your place, we could go together and I'll drop you back at your truck, yeah?"

"What are you talking about?"

"The boot's full…"

"Oh, right…" Casey responded in realisation, they'd been tasked with raising money for a new church window after it had been vandalised a few weeks back. He raised his brows and smiled. "And you can't drop it off on your own? Thought you were a big boy, Severide?"

"Well, the Chaplain and Boden put us both in charge a few months ago…"

"I'm fairly certain you can go on your own. I have plans after shift," he said swiftly.

"When is all this gonna be over?" Severide asked him, exasperated.

"All what?"

"This, Casey, what you're doing, avoiding me and…"

"I'm not avoiding you," Casey replied. He wasn't the one who avoided being in the same room together, unless it was absolutely necessary.

"Fine. Barely looking at me, barely saying more than two words unless we have to work together… this here! It's like pulling teeth!" he responded, trying not to alert the others on the apparatus floor to their argument.

"Maybe you should that thought about that before you slept around…"

"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm sorry?"

"Apparently until you figure out that an apology isn't gonna cut it!" Matt raised his voice.

"Oh, right, I forgot, Matt Casey holds a grudge even after he's buried five feet under!"

"I'm not the one who made a mistake," he responded.

"Like you never make mistakes, Casey!" Severide spat.

"What did you think would happen? Do you think we'd move past all this? Did you think I'd just forget?"

Severide threw his hands up. "Fuck you and your issues, Matt! I'm not even gonna try and make it up to you…"

"I never asked you to," Casey said quietly as he watched Severide walk away.

* * *

When their shift was over Matt drove straight to Adams place, the automatic gates opened as he drove up to them, when he entered the house, Rosa, the housekeeper, greeted him with a warm smile. It wasn't long until Adam took Matt out for breakfast and they began their day together.

Matt was standing by the changing room in the small boutique store. "I'm being serious, you can't spend this money on me…"

"I want you to look good," Adam insisted.

"And I don't look good in my clothes? I don't need designer clothes… I thought when you said shopping… well, I didn't think you meant this…"

"Go, try these on before I'm forced strip you out here in the store."

"Adam…" Matt began quietly, still standing in front of the taller man.

"I'm going too fast for you?"

"No, no…" Matt shook his head, not wanting to upset him. "I… this…" he sighed, trailing off.

"Please let me do this for you."

Matt smiled back at him. "Fine. I'll try them on. I'm sure they'll all look hideous on anyway…"

"Hideous? You could never look hideous."

Several hours and a half a dozen stores later, they were on their way back to Adams house, the small trunk and backseats were full of shopping bags. Matt felt well and truly spoilt.

"Feel like it's Christmas?" Adam asked him, glancing over to him.

"Christmas? I never had anything like this for Christmas," he commented thoughtfully.

Adam just gave a short laugh in response. Matt's cheeks flushed and he smiled tightly, suddenly feeling a little uncomfortable. He wished he'd not said anything. Then Adam placed a hand on his knee.

"Tonight, I was thinking of inviting some friends over, have a meal or something," Adam told him.

"A meal? Sounds formal," he said.

"Just a little gathering, you can wear that new white shirt with the…"

"Showing me off?" Matt questioned, his brows raised as he let out a short chuckle.

"Well, is there anything you want to do tonight? Something with your friends…"

"I don't really have any friends," Matt admitted.

"Now that, I don't believe."

"I have people I work with, someone on my crew has a bar, I go there sometimes," Matt went on.

"We could go tonight," Adam suggested.

"You don't wanna go tonight; bunch of straight guys slaughtering a lot of karaoke songs," he responded.

"You're telling me you don't have friends?"

Matt looked at Adam for a moment, he decided on the truth. "Someone died a couple of years ago, things got a messed up after that."

"Sorry," he responded genuinely, giving Matt's leg a comforting squeeze.

"And, no, to the next question," Matt said.

"Next question?"

"Have I had any serious relationships," he responded.

Adam smiled. "Wasn't my next question; curious that it was on your mind though."

* * *

Matt woke up on his front, sprawled across the large bed in Adams room. It took him a while to realise it was the morning, and he groaned as he partially recalled last nights events. Slowly he pushed himself onto his elbows, he was alone and the blinds were closed, only letting in a fraction of the light from outside. When he sat up, his aching body finally cooperating with him, he saw a note on the nightstand. Adam had left, he had back to back meetings for most of the day, he told Matt to make himself at home.

He got up, showered and dressed, and even though he took his time, he soon found himself sitting at the counter in the kitchen, wondering what he was going to do with himself. He finished another cup of coffee then went for a run, he got a little lost, not knowing the neighbourhood, but found his way back, showered again, chatted to the housekeeper, watched some TV for an hour. And then Adam finally arrived back home.

"Hey, you," Adam greeted him when entered the lounge area. "Not been too bored today, have you?"

Matt shook his head.

"I think you're lying, sorry I've been gone all day," Adam said sincerely. He gave Matt a quick kiss, taking his hand.

"I'll be gone all day tomorrow," he reasoned, giving Adams hand a loving squeeze before letting go.

"Can you take holiday?" Adam asked him.

"I have a little furlough but…"

"Furlough?"

"Holiday, but it needs more notice than sixteen hours," Matt explained.

"Call in sick?" he suggested.

"I never call in sick, they'd either worry or think I was skiving," Matt responded.

"Does it matter?"

Matt just shrugged. "Don't you have anything on tomorrow?"

"More meetings and stuff," he answered.

"You'll be busy anyway, no point in me being here waiting for you." Matt chuckled.

"How can I improve today for you? Would you like to go out for dinner? Sure I can pull some strings and get us a table at…"

"I don't need a fancy dinner," Matt said.

"No, you don't," he responded, his hand caressing Matt's cheek. Adam smiled. "What do you need?" he asked, his eyes bore into Matts.

Matt leaned into him. "Fuck me. Tie me up and fuck me," he told Adam, tone hushed.

* * *

Less than five minutes later, Matt was flat on his back, arms spread achingly apart, wrists restrained to the headboard. Adam was fucking him with a large solid rubber cock, he was torturing him with it, dragging it out slowly over his prostrate, he would gasp weakly as it sent shivers up his spine, and then hammering it back in enough to make him cry out. He pulled at the restraints, desperately wanting to wrap his hand around his own aching cock.

Adam knew what he wanted, and he wasn't prepared to give it him yet. Matt had no control here. He revelled in it.   
  
Matt moved his hips towards him, practically begging for it, Adam removed the dildo and he moaned at the emptiness. He moved his hips towards Adam again.

"I could leave you here all night, twisting and turning, trying to hump the bed sheets," he threatened.

"Don't," Matt responded, a desperate look in his eyes.

"I'm in charge here," he stated, pressing his hand below Matt's neck.

Matt moaned. "Adam… please…"

Anger flashed across Adam's face. "Do I need to gag you? Who's in charge here?"

He shook his head. "You are."

"What am I?" Adam questioned him, pushing down against his collarbone.

"You're in charge," he answered.

"I'm in charge..?"

"You're in charge, sir," Matt corrected.

"Say it like you mean it," he ordered.

"You're in charge, sir!" Matt yelled. "Fuck me, sir! Put your cock inside me…" he gasped, surprised by the fist colliding with his jaw. Then the ball gag was roughly shoved into his slack mouth, and fastened hastily around the back of his head.

"I'm in charge, you can't make demands," Adam said fiercely, disappearing from Matt's view for a moment. When he returned, Matt felt something cold against his bare thigh, he strained to look, but Adam kept the object hidden from his sight.

There was a sharp thrang through the air and Matt's eyes widened in realisation. He winced as the small cane hit his exposed flesh, it felt as though blood had been drawn, but he knew there was none. Adam came down again and again with the cane, timing unpredictable so Matt couldn't predict the next hit.

He cried out, muffled by the gag, he was desperate for release, trying his best not to jerk his hips up to Adam. He wasn't in charge here, he couldn't ask for anything, and he knew Adam would only continue to punish him.

Matts flesh was raw and tender by the time Adam put the cane down. Red marks over pale skin. His thighs were stinging, his cock throbbing, close to blissful release, but he Adam wasn't let it happen, Matt could see that just from the look on his face. His whole body was trembling. Adam slapped his sensitive skin, making him gasp, and then suddenly he was alone. He was panting and pulling against the restraints, twisting and turning.

Realising that Adam was not coming back, he flung his head back down onto the pillow, a frustrated sigh left his lips. He didn't think it was possible to fall asleep, wrists still restrained and cock still achingly hard, but it soon softened and his body quickly grew too exhausted to stay awake despite his uncomfortable position. 


	4. He's Gonna Need Stitches

When Matt woke the restraints were gone and Adam was sitting on the side of the bed, looking down at him. "Good morning," he greeted, smiling.

Matt stretched, rolling his shoulders, trying to release the tightness he felt. "Morning…" he croaked out.

"Too much?" Adam asked him softly, passing him a bag of frozen peas, wrapped in a kitchen towel.

Matt took the makeshift icepack from him and shook his head. "Thank you," he said, he didn't know if he was say thanks for the cold relief against his jaw, or for the sex. "What time is it?"

"6:30," Adam supplied.

His eyes widened, he didn't have long before he'd need to leave. "I have to get going," he said, sitting up, wincing when he saw the state of his thighs; they were littered with fading red marks.

"You need breakfast, I'll get Rosa to…"

Matt shook his head. "They'll feed me at the house, don't worry, and I don't wanna be late,"

"How about I give you a ride? I'll pick up when you've finished," he suggested.

"Sure."

"Any vehicle preference?" Adam asked him.

Matt smiled, shaking his head. "No."

* * *

Severide was staring at Casey as he walked stiffly onto the apparatus floor, there was a large bruise on his jaw, and it must have been bad to see it from the distance between them. He suddenly felt anxious. What had happened to Casey? And the who the hell had hurt him? He stood up, unable to stop himself, as ever-increasing threats of violence to the perpetrator formed in his head.

He clenched his hands as they approached each other, Casey was seemingly lost in his own thoughts, shocked by Severide's appearance. "What happened to you?" Severide asked him, holding back his feelings as best as he could.

Casey just looked at him questioningly, annoyed he'd been stopped on his way into the firehouse.

"The fist shaped bruise on your face," Severide reiterated.

He smiled. "Things got rough in the bedroom, you know it is," he said simply before walking away, as if there was no bruise, as if his jaw wasn't swollen and sore, as if Severide would have done the exact same thing when they were together.

Casey cursed himself as he walked away. His mind was torn. He wanted Severide to feel as bad as he felt, he wanted to hurt Severide like he'd been hurt, but he felt so damn guilty every time he spoke to him. He couldn't help it though. He wanted Severide to hurt, he needed Severide to feel even just a fraction like he did, because he was a mess after he broke up with him, after he'd seen Severide cheating on him.

His guilt soon faded away with the distraction of the alarms blaring out shortly after roll call. A broken elevator sent them all to an office building a few blocks away. Casey took charge as they arrived just moments before Severide and Boden, quickly listening to the building manager and taking his crew up to the fourteenth floor where the elevator roof would be reachable through the shaft.

Severide was waiting around with his crew, they weren't really needed at the scene and the lack of action was frustrating. A flurry of movement caught his attention. Otis and Herrmann were walking out the building with Casey's arms over their shoulders, they were holding him steady, the idiot was clearly hurt and still attempting to walk.

"What the hell happened?" Severide yelled much more fiercely than intended as he approached them, seeing the blood running down Casey's face.

"Guy panicked," Herrmann responded, motioning back to the large built man that Mouch and Cruz were assisting. They helped Casey down onto the awaiting gurney. Herrmann remained by Casey's side, Casey was leaning heavily into him. Mills stood back with Herrmann, and Boden had now approached them all.

"Was he knocked out?" Shay asked them as she and Rafferty started assessing Casey. A large wad of gauze was taped to the bleeding gash on his hairline, his turnout jacket and hoody were opened up.

"M'right here…" Casey mumbled between them all. He winced as a light was shone brightly into his eyes.

"What happened, Matt?"

He looked up at Shay, vision unfocused.

"Do you remember what happened, Matt?" she asked him. "Matt?"

Casey's eyes rolled and his body when slack underneath Herrmanns grip. He gently lay him back down onto the gurney, lifting his legs up so they could get him into the back of the ambulance.

Shay looked to Herrmann for the answer.

"Guy built like a brick house pushed him away, he hit the side of the elevator pretty hard," Herrmann explained.

"Unconscious long?"

"No, he was trying to get up and help right away," Herrmann told her.

They were interrupted with the sound of gagging. Rafferty was helping to move Casey so he didn't choke on his own vomit. Casey was barely aware that he'd just thrown up his breakfast, head lolling in Rafferty's hands.

"Matt," Shay began, rubbing his sternum. "Can you hear me?"

Casey groaned. "M'fine…"

Shay resisted rolling her eyes. "Let's get him out of here," she said, looking at Rafferty.

"He's gonna be all right?" Severide asked as he and Herrmann helped roll the gurney into the back of the rig.

"At the very least, he's gonna need stitches," Shay said, remaining with Casey whilst Rafferty went around to the front, ready to get them to the hospital.

* * *

In the ER, Casey felt like he was surrounded by strangers, all assessing him and shouting orders, someone kept calling his name, but he couldn't make out what they were asking him, his head was throbbing and there was something sticky on his face, but eventually a familiar face appeared. Boden. But again, Casey barely understood anything that was happening, hardly able to keep his eyes open, he became lost in a sea of rooms, it felt like he was swaying, moving back and forth, his stomach felt like it was in his throat, and there was a constant acrid taste at the back of his throat. Things seemed to eventually calm down, lights were dimmed and the noise lessened. It still felt as though he was on the deck of a boat in high winds whenever he was forced to open his eyes and answer questions.

Boden was in the waiting area with the others, they'd all stayed to make sure their Truck Lieutenant was going to be all right. The doctor had been out to see them all, informing them that whilst Casey had a pretty severe concussion, there was no fracture, no brain bleed or any permanent damage. They were waiting to see Casey, but there was a nurse currently stitching the cut he'd sustained.

A tall dark-haired man rushed towards them, a look of relief on his face as he saw all their uniforms. "Must be in the right place now; I'm looking for Matt," he spoke, looking around at them all.

Boden stood up. "You must be…"

"Adam," he finished, putting a hand to greet Boden. "You called me? Is he all right?"

Cruz and Otis shared a look, and Shay watched Severide judging the man they all presumed to be Casey's current boyfriend.

"He has a concussion, nasty cut, but they don't need to admit him if someone can…"

"Look after him? That's definitely my job," he said, nodding. "Where is he?" he asked, looking around again.

"Come with me," Boden said. "We may not be able to go into the bay yet though, we'll see how he's doing."

"Thank you," Adam began as he walked alongside Boden. "For calling me and well, this…"

Boden stopped outside the bay Casey was lying in. "He's been pretty out of it, probably doesn't realise he was asking for you."

"Well, thank you for calling me, finding my number and everything," he responded before turning away.

"Adam," Boden said, stopping the man. "He must really like you, Matt isn't the sort of person who asks for anyone, even when he's out of it."

Adam gave him a nod and stepped inside the bay. There was a nurse tidying up a small tray, she turned to him and gave him a smile. "I'm done here," she told him.

"I can sit with him?"

"He's awake," she responded.

"And he can go home soon?"

"The doctor will see him again, but then he should be able to go home," she answered.

"Thank you," Adam said as he approached Matt. The nurse left and he sat down on the small stool. Matt was awake but his eyes were barely open and there was dried blood on the left side of his face. Adam took his hand.

Outside the bay, Severide had appeared. Shay had tried to stop him leaving the waiting area when Boden had returned, but she failed, he just wanted to make sure Casey really was all right before Boden sent him and the rest of his crew back to the firehouse. He also wanted to get a better look at the man Casey had been asking for. He'd been about to step inside when he heard Casey's weary voice.

"Adam?"

"Hey, you, how are you feeling?" Adam spoke softly and Severide peered into the room.

"You're here?" Matt questioned, looking at him tiredly.

"Of course I'm here; you got hurt," Adam responded. "I got a phone call and came right over. You were asking for me."

"I asked for you?" Matt repeated, brows furrowed.

"Yeah," he said, nodding.

"I asked and you came?" Matt continued, seemingly confused by the concept.

"Yeah, course I came; I love you," he responded.

"You love me? And you came here? You weren't busy?"

"I was busy, but I'm not anymore," Adam explained.

"You actually love me?" he asked again.

Adam smiled. "Is this the concussion talking?"

"No, yes… I don't know… my head does hurt," he admitted.

"Do you need a doctor? Painkillers? What do you need?"

"M'fine…"

"You just said your head hurts," Adam told him.

"Mmm… just tired… when can I go home?"

"I'll go find a doctor and find out, yeah?"

"Yeah…"

"I'll be right back," Adam told him, and Severide could see him giving Casey a gentle kiss as he stood up to leave. He ducked out the way before Adam could see him, and re-joined the others in the waiting area, telling everyone that Casey was going to be fine getting home, that they could all leave him and Adam, despite how much he wanted to stay.

* * *

At Adams house a few hours later, Matt was being treated like a king, he was lying on the couch in the main lounge, the large TV was on, one of the many sports channels selected. Matt wasn't paying much attention to the TV screen though, his headache was fading but he still felt nauseous, and now he was much more aware of the situation, he really did not want to throw up on Adams fancy furniture, or in front of Adam for that matter. Adam had not left his side since they arrived home, he had Rosa make sure that Matt had anything he could possibly need within their reach so they wouldn't need to move.

"How's the pain?" Adam asked him quietly after a while.

"Not too bad… if I don't move, or blink, or anything…" he responded, letting out a short soft chuckle.

"How did it happen? Your boss said something to do with an elevator, but I was more worried about you at the time," Adam said.

"Was just an accident," he replied.

"No one's fault?"

Slowly he shook his head.

"I don't need to go and kick anyone's asses then?"

"No, but thank you for offering," he responded tiredly, letting his head relax onto one of the many cushions Adam had surrounded him with.

Adam smiled back at him. "You're really gonna be all right?"

"I've had worse," he said simply.

"Well, you better not get hurt again, or I won't be letting you out the front door," Adam told him.

Matt just smiled in response and let his weary eyes close.


	5. Make Me Forget

Matt was back at work a week later, despite Adams protests, and now under instruction to message him every couple of hours, telling Matt he was worried about him. Matt laughed it off, explaining that once his first shift back was over and done, with no incident, then Adam would be sick of hearing from him every couple of hours.

He was sitting in his office, reading over the incident reports from the two shifts he'd missed, when Shay poked her head through the door. "Hey," she began. "That's bruised up nicely," she commented, nodding towards the wound.

He rolled his eyes as she sat down.

"How's the head?" she asked.

"Hard as ever," he retorted.

Without missing a beat, she continued. "Who's the new guy?"

"Adam," he answered.

"He came to the hospital," she said.

"Well observed."

"Seems pretty serious," she commented, smiling questioningly.

"It's casual, no strings attached," he told her.

"Do you like him?"

"No, I'm sleeping with him cause I hate him," he deadpanned.

She sighed. "You know what I mean."

"It's not a serious thing, I don't do serious," he responded.

"Kelly said…"

"I don't care what Severide said."

Shay held her hands up apologetically.

"Is that it?" he asked her.

"Everyone's at Molly's tomorrow, Boden's birthday, you should come," she announced.

He raised a brow. "No one is supposed to know when Boden's birthday is."

"No, but we all know it's tomorrow, Herrmann's organised it, wants it to be a surprise," she explained.

He smiled. "I'll be there."

"Before eight," she told him.

"I'll be there before eight," he confirmed. "Let me get on with my work now?"

She gave him a smile and left him in peace.

* * *

Matt arrived at Molly's just on time, telling Adam that he was pretty much obligated to go since it was a surprise party for his boss. Adam had reluctantly watched him leave. Everyone was pleased to see Matt when he arrived, Boden turned up shortly after and the celebrations began. After only a few hours, Matt was distracted by several messages on his phone, he replied as Herrmann fetched him another drink. It was late when he finally left, successfully avoiding Severide, who looked like he'd taken off shortly after wishing Boden a happy birthday. He tried not to think of him after that, still hating how his thoughts would flutter to him. He didn't want anything to do with the guy anymore, but their work situation made that impossible, and thoughts of transferring had crossed his mind several times, but he liked his crew, and 51; it was only Severide he wanted to avoid.

Matt woke up to several missed phone calls and a dozen text messages. All from Adam. He looked at them all blearily before getting up and changing into his running gear. There were more messages and missed calls when he glanced at his phone after returning from his short run. He called Adam back before showering.

"Hey, what's up?" Matt began.

"Where the hell have you been?" Adam demanded, voice raised.

"Woah… hey… I'm all right, I just went out for a run…"

"I called you last night," Adam stated.

"Yeah I saw when I woke, I thought you'd still be asleep though, I was sleeping when you called and messaged last night… you knew I was at to the bar, and it was easier to come straight home. Didn't think you'd mind," he responded honestly.

"I was waiting up for you," Adam explained.

"I said it would be a late night, to entertain yourself… I'm sorry…" he added, feeling guilty that he'd obviously caused Adam some stress.

"Did you sleep with someone?" Adam asked, accusation lacing his tone.

"What? No… why would I sleep with someone?"

"Because this is just casual for you?" Adam suggested.

"It is casual, but it's exclusive? Right? I mean, we've been having a good time… and you gave me closet space…"

"Did you sleep with someone?" Adam asked him again.

Matt shook his head even though he knew Adam couldn't see him. "No, of course I didn't…"

"You should have called me back," Adam told him.

"I messaged you back when I was there."  
  
"You should have called me back later on," Adam said again.  
  
"I know, I'm sorry, the night just got away with me, I guess," he responded.

"You guess?" Adam repeated.

"Adam, this is no big deal, it was basically a work thing…"

"Well, maybe you shouldn't go to work thinks," Adam retorted.

"You can't stop me going to these things, I hadn't even wanted to go, but you can't stop me when I have to make an appearance…"

"Make an appearance?" he repeated. "You were there all night!"

"Who do think I am? I don't sleep around," Matt snapped back.

"Then why didn't you come home?!"

"I did, I went back to my house, on my own," he answered. He sighed and continued, "I don't need this. Call me later… or not." He hung up the phone and threw it onto his bed. He looked at it, annoyed that it had made no sound, no angry noise. He could feel something rising up inside, he turned and slammed his fist into his bedroom wall, splitting the drywall and cracking his hand. He did it once more, took a breath and suddenly hated himself for the mess he had made, and the pain in his hand.

Matt showered, wrapped his hand up and got on with his day, he caught up on emails and voicemails, putting a couple of construction jobs into his planner. He gave his place a tidy up and clean, it had needed it desperately, he'd spent very little time there recently and there was a thin layer of dust on most of the surfaces.

He was getting ready for bed when there was a knock at the door, he almost ignored it, but his truck was outside and although the blinds were shut; the lights could be seen from the outside. He pulled on some pants and opened the door.

It was Adam. "Hey," he greeted softly.

"Hey," Matt repeated in response.

"Can I come in?"

Matt nodded, moving back so Adam could walk into the small entrance-way and through to the lounge. He followed him through after closing the door.

"I am sorry I went off on one… I was just worried about you," Adam explained.

"Nothing to be worried about," he responded.

Adam traced the healing gash on Matt's hairline. "Nothing?"

"That was a rare thing, I've had about three injuries on the job, all of them minor. This one doesn't even count," Matt told him. "And I was at a bar with firefighters and cops last night, very little chance of anything happening there."

"I'm sorry I accused you of sleeping with someone," Adam spoke apologetically, his eyes sincere.

Matt gave him a small smile.

"It's happened to me before," Adam explained. "I suppose you could call me paranoid."

"No, I get it. It's fine. You trust me though, right?"

"Yeah, I trust you. Just got myself all worked up, didn't I?"

"It's fine, it doesn't matter," Matt said, smiling again.

Adam frowned. "What happened to your hand?"

"The wall gave me a funny look," he teased.

"I made you feel bad so you hurt yourself," Adam commented quietly.

Matt looked at him for a moment and responded. "I like pain, I get off on pain."

"The right kind of pain," Adam responded, putting his hands on Matt's bare shoulders, feeling his warm skin.

"Too the bedroom?"

Adam nodded, smiling.

* * *

No one said anything to Casey about his bandaged hand the next day at the firehouse. His crew discussed it in whispered tones until Herrmann told them to zip it, Severide just made a mental note of the injury, knowing it was most certainly self-inflicted. He just wanted to know why. Maybe Casey had broken up with Adam. He doubted that though, the guy had told Casey he loved him, no one told Casey that, it was a sure thing to win him over, even if Severide thought there was something off about the guy.

Casey was sitting in the common room with his crew when Boden called him over, asking for a few moments. Casey followed him into his office and took a seat.

"We haven't had much of a chance to catch up recently," Boden began. "I've missed our regular chats," he continued. Ever since Darden had died, he and Casey had spoken regularly, mostly work related, and Boden had managed to pull a few personal titbits from him.

"Sorry," Casey responded sincerely.

Boden shook his head; no apology was needed. "How are you?"

"Good. How are you? Enjoy your surprise party?"

"Telling the truth; I already knew about it," Boden responded.

"Who told you? Mouch?"

Boden nodded. "You and Severide aren't on good terms again," he commented.

"Guess not," he said with a shrug. "It's not affecting work though."

"No, I would have said something earlier if it was," Boden told him. "And this Adam, he seems nice. New boyfriend?"

Casey smiled, cheeks flushing. "I dunno if he's my boyfriend… he's just a guy I'm…" he stopped, clearing his throat.

"I don't need the details, he seems to really like you, he came to the hospital," Boden said.

"Yeah, he's a good one," Casey agreed.

"Good, you deserve that," he replied, smiling.

"So, we've been talking about my love life…" Casey began cheekily.

"Let's not go there," Boden said. "I think if you ever want a love life role model, I'd look to…"

"Herrmann," he finished for Boden, smiling. "Sometimes… ok, a lot of the time, I think he should be the lieutenant, not me. He has it all together."

"You don't?"

"I'm good at pretending I do," Casey said with a shrug.

"I think that's what most people do," he responded.

"Pretend?" Casey repeated.

Boden nodded. "No one really knows what they're doing."

"We know what we're doing at a fire, car wreck, gas leak… that counts for something, right?" Casey asked him.

He nodded again. "That counts for something."

* * *

Matt was happy when his shift finally ended, they'd been called out early in the morning and weren't finished at the scene until almost lunchtime. It hadn't been a good call, not that any of them were, but this one had been particularly bad, and he just wanted to get some sleep without images of charcoaled bodies in his head. He went straight over to Adams place, calling him on the way, making sure it was ok to come right over, and giving him another update. He'd messaged him on the way to the fire, and before overhaul, wanting to keep him in the loop so he didn't worry.

He trudged into the house wearily, and was welcomed into Adams arms. "You look exhausted," Adam said softly.

Matt nodded into his chest.

"Bad shift?" Adam asked him.

He moved back so he could see Adams face, and he nodded again.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Make me forget," Matt responded.


	6. Friends

A couple of weeks had passed since the distressing fire, OFI was still investigating with the help of Severide's father who just happened to be in the city. It kept Severide busy, distracted from Casey for a while, who'd been in his thoughts almost constantly.

Casey was in the locker room, getting dressed, having quickly showered after returning from a small stove fire. He didn't like to smell of smoke.

"What did you do to your arm?"

Casey turned from his locker; Shay was looking at him quizzically. He'd not heard her come in, he had assumed he was alone. He put his hoody on and responded. "Must have knocked it," he told her.

She sat down on the bench and he turned to face her.

"How are you?" she asked him softly.

He frowned. "Fine… why?"

"You look tired… and you still haven't explained what happened between you and Kelly…"

"You haven't gotten anything outta him so, you're asking me?"

"I miss the three of us hanging out," Shay responded.

"You'll just have to get used to it, it's not happening again," he said, shaking his head.

"What did he do?"

"Why do you assume it was him?" he retorted.

"You don't forgive easily," she responded.

"I don't want to talk about Kelly, I'm happy, even if you think I look tired… and I don't want any more of these… chats… all right?" he said with an unintended harshness in his tone.

"All right, fine," Shay responded. She stood up to leave but stopped. "You know, I'm friends with both of you, but, Matt, you can make it really difficult."

Casey looked at her. "Then don't bother."

"Matt…"

"Really; don't bother."

Casey turned back to his desk once Shay had left with an apologetic expression on her face. He knew she was only trying to help the situation, and being caught between him and Severide was not a good place to be, anger was flowing through his veins. Anger at his own words, and hers. He was distracted from his thoughts when his phone pinged with a message from Adam, he smiled as he read it and relaxed.

* * *

Adam came along to Molly's with Matt. He'd told Adam he didn't need to come, that he was going to have a drink with everyone before Benny Severide left the city, having finished assisting OFI with their investigation. It was a small gathering, and he'd be back with him in a few hours, but Adam had insisted on joining him. As Adam drove them to the bar, Matt realised it was actually nice to have someone wanting to do things with him, meeting him after his shift, messaging all the time, and genuinely caring about him. It was new to him, but he was going to happily settle with it all, and accept that Adam wanted to be with him, whether it was popping over to Molly's, or just out to the store together.

Everyone focused on Matt and his guest as they walked over to the bar, he suddenly felt self-conscious and forced a smile as he reached Herrmann. "Two beers, please, Herrmann," Matt asked him.

Herrmann quickly grabbed a couple of beers and placed them on the bar. "We met very briefly a few weeks back," Herrmann began. "It's Adam, right?"

Adam gave a nod in response.

"This is Christopher Herrmann, my left-hand man," Matt said, introducing them.

Adam smiled. "It's nice to meet you under better circumstances."

Matt turned to see that the rest of his crew had gathered around. He introduced Adam to them all.

"Mouch?" Adam repeated inquisitively.

"Man, couch," Matt supplied.

"Ah, I get it; that's great," he responded, giving Mouch a smile, chuckling lightly.

Matt cast his eyes over to some of the others from the firehouse. "Over there's some guys from the Squad crew, and Engine, and that's Shay and Rafferty; ambo… ambulance crew. Do you wanna sit down?" he asked suddenly, now conscious that Severide was walking up to the bar.

"Happy at the bar, if you are?"

Matt glanced at Severide and looked back at Adam, smiling. "Yeah, here's fine, we don't need to stay for long anyway."

"So, you work with Matt as well?" Adam spoke. Matt turned around to see Severide taking a beer from Herrmann,

Severide smiled at them both. "Yeah; Kelly Severide," he greeted. "Adam, right?"

Adam nodded.

"Severide's the Squad Lieutenant, different crew," Matt told Adam quickly. He could feel his heart racing, and he hoped Severide didn't notice, but Severide noticed so much about him, he tried to mentally shake off the nerves he felt, but he just wanted to get out of there.

"You all get to hang out here often?" Adam enquired.

"Yeah, it's nice to have a regular place, before Matt and I would just…"

"Go wherever everyone else wanted to meet up," Matt said before Severide could finish.

Severide couldn't keep the frown from his face. "Erm, yeah."

Adam saw no wedding ring on Severide's hand. "Your girlfriend doesn't mind?" Adam asked, casting a quick glance around.

"Oh, I don't have a girlfriend," Severide answered.

"Boyfriend then?"

Matt looked at Severide as he spoke smoothly. "Severide is a serial womaniser, don't think he's ever been out with anyone for more than a couple of dates."

Severide's expression fell. "Well, enjoy your drinks," he said before walking away with his beer.

Matt's eyes followed him, it didn't go unnoticed by Adam. "You two have a history."

He looked to Adam. "We went to the Academy together, trained together, and eventually ended up at the same firehouse when I was promoted to lieutenant," he explained.

"Seems more complicated than that," Adam told him.

"A friend died."

"You said before," Adam replied thoughtfully.

"Yeah," he responded, nodding. It was a far easier explanation that delving into his relationship with Severide, although he felt a little uneasy at using Darden's death that way, especially when it had eventually had them admitting their true feelings towards each other. Feelings that Matt tried to hide from himself every day, reminding himself how much Severide had hurt him. "Hey, why don't we go to another bar, or grab something to eat?" he suggested.

"You don't want to be here," Adam surmised.

"Sometimes I feel like I just need to make an appearance really, I'm their lieutenant, I can't always be a friend. I try, but… but it can hard to find the right balance," he admitted.

"You're with them for twenty-four hours, hard not to become friends, not to care, but they're also your responsibility," Adam said succinctly.

"Yeah, exactly."

"I can see why you like to let go of everything, lose control," Adam said.

Matt rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I'm a mess."

Adam shook his head. "You're perfect, you're not a mess. I love you."

His cheeks flushed as he smiled, and it wasn't because of the alcohol. "I still don't know what to say to that."

"That you love me too?"

"Oh, yeah, I do, I just… I can't believe you love me, me!" he exclaimed with a self-deprecating shrug.

"Like I said; you're perfect," Adam insisted.

"Far from it, but it's nice that you think I am… I think," he said.

Adam took Matts hand. "Let's get out of here then, yeah?"

Matt nodded and allowed himself to be led away from the bar.

* * *

Casey was writing an incident report for the call 81 had not long returned from when there was a quick knock at his door. He motioned them in without looking to see who it was. He frowned when he saw Severide standing in his quarters.

"Hey, need something?" Casey asked him.

"Hey, was nice to see you at Molly's," he began.

"You left pretty swiftly," Casey pointed out.

"Adam seems nice, I'm happy for you," he continued casually.

Casey frowned. "You are?"

"I'm fed up of us fighting, well, sending heated glances to each other..." Severide responded.

"I'm tired of it too," he replied.

"Friends?"

Casey looked at him for a long moment. "No," he said simply.

Severide wasn't sure he heard Casey right. "Sorry?"

"I said no, I don't want to be friends," Casey repeated.

"I thought…"

"I'd be over it? We could just move on and pretend nothing happened? Pretend that you didn't hurt me?"

"You don't know the whole story," Severide told him.

"Did you sleep with someone?"

"Yes," Severide said.

"Then what am I missing?" he asked.

Severide went to respond but shut his mouth without a word.

"I asked you to move in with me, do you know how big a deal that was for me?"

"I know," Severide answered.

"Why didn't you just say no, and end it all right then and there?"

"You're not the only one who has issues, Matt," he responded bluntly.

"You think I'm selfish? What did I do?"

Severide shook his head. "You're the least selfish person I know. You're the best person I've ever known, and I am sorry that I hurt you. I know you won't… I know you _can't_ forgive me." Severide turned to leave.

Casey stood up. He stood up because Severide understood him more than anyone else in the world. "Kelly, wait."

He turned with a hopeful expression on his face.

"Friends?" Casey suggested with a meek shrug.

Severide gave him a large smile. "Friends."

* * *

Adam was waiting outside the firehouse, leaning on the side of his car, when Matt's shift ended. "You know you can come in, right?" Matt said as he strolled up to him, smile across his face and bag slung over his shoulder.

"Really?" he responded as he took Matts bag from him.

"Yeah, course you can, you're a lot better than most the people who wander in," Matt told him as he opened the trunk, dropping Matt's bag inside.

"People just wander in?" Adam asked, surprised.

"Yeah, sometimes," he said.

Adam closed the trunk of the car. "How was it?"

"Standard shift, what have you been up to? Other than messaging me?" he asked, grinning as he got into the passenger seat.

Adam started the engine and pulled away onto the road as he responded. "Met up with some old friends, did a little work, missed you like crazy…"

Matt grinned. "Really?"

"Oh yeah."

"Well, there's the annual CFD barbeque tomorrow, I said we'd probably be there," Matt said, smiling as he looked across to him.

Adams tone changed. "You did."

"Yeah, we didn't have any other plans?"

"You can't always be their friend," Adam said.

"Huh?"

"That's what you said, so, maybe you shouldn't go. You are their lieutenant."

"It's a work thing," Matt said.

"A barbeque?" he questioned.

Matt shrugged. "Family friendly work thing."

"We don't need family friendly," Adam responded.

"I guess not," he conceded.

"I can think of much better things to do with your time off," Adam told him, still concentrating on the road ahead.

Matt didn't say anything more on the matter.


	7. My Little Pain Slut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, erm, it's bad and probably extremely inaccurate so I'm gonna go crawl into a hole now. Bye.
> 
> (Zero energy to proof read so apologies for a million mistakes)

Matt was lying on his back, breathing heavily as Adam pounded into him, he had been blindfolded, and there was a metal gag in his mouth, and a patch of saliva on the bed below his chin. His wrists were cuffed to the bed, his legs were free, held down by Adams weight. His cock was hard beneath him and bound by a metal ring that Adam favoured. He moaned as Adam hit his prostrate, his toes curled in pleasure.

Adam came and stayed inside Matt, he twisted around, wondering what he was about to do, but was shoved back down onto his front.

Matt gasped. Something had just burned his sensitive skin.

"Like that?"

"Ad…" he spoke through the gag, saliva dripped out his mouth.

"Shh… I knew you'd like wax."

"Agh!" he groaned, ass tightening around Adams cock as he gasped.

Adam smiled and let several drops of wax fall onto Matts lower back.

It hurt. The heat stung his skin.

"More…" he managed through the gag.

Adam started thrusting into Matt again, slow and steady as he poured more wax onto his pale skin. Catching his shoulder blades, his butt cheeks and thighs, letting it cool and starting the process all over again, changing the order so Matt didn't know where the wax was going to fall.

The pain mixed with pleasure was sending Matt over the edge. He couldn't think. He'd stopped flinching when the wax fell. Fuck it hurt though, the backs of his thighs were the worst, if it weren't for Adam holding him down, he'd have shot away from the man.

"How about we turn you over?"

It took Matt a moment to realise what that meant, and he shook his head.

"No? It'll feel good, all that heat on your aching cock."

Adam was still thrusting into Matt, the motion was soothing now, comforting.

"I'll take the ring off, let you come all over the bed, you'll love it, my little pain slut…"

Slut. Matt frowned. Was he?

He nodded his head and soon found Adams cock replaced with a plug, his wrists uncuffed and on his back, heart pounding in anticipation.

He moaned as Adam slowly and carefully dripped the hot wax on his hard shaft, toying with the plug in his ass simultaneously.

Matt came, sinking his head back into the bed as euphoria waved through him.

Adam grabbed the lube and gently removed the cock ring. "How was that?"

"S'good… s'good…"

"You looked exhausted," Adam said, sitting back.

"Good exhausted…"

Adam gazed at him for a moment, a hard look in his eyes. "What do you say?"

"Thank you."

* * *

During Matts next shift at the firehouse, Kelly knocked on his office door and walked in.

"Morning," Matt greeted him.

"Thought I'd see at the barbeque, Herrmann and everyone had thought you were going," Kelly said, sitting down at the end of the bed.

"Had other plans," he responded with his back to Kelly, still looking at the paperwork on his desk.

"You've never missed it before," Kelly pointed out.

Matt shrugged. "There'll be another one."

"Adam didn't fancy it?" Kelly probed.

"What?" he responded, turning to face Kelly this time.

"He didn't fancy being with a bunch of firefighters?"

"We just had other plans… what's with the inquisition?"

"We're friends now, right?" Kelly asked him.

"Right…"

"I'd just expected to see you there, with or without Adam," he said.

Casey shook his head, chuckling. "Quit it, will you? It's not mandatory."

"Ok. Another question for you; what's with the long sleeves? It's summer."

"You…"

"I know you like it rough, Matt, but if he's going overboard…"

"Get the hell out of my office," he snapped, standing up.

"Roll your sleeves up," Severide retorted as he got off the bed.

"You don't want to pick a fight with me, Severide," he snapped, squaring up to him.

"You're wearing concealer, I'm not an idiot, Matt."

"I said, get-the-hell-out-of-my-office."

He threw his hands up in defeat and turned away, slamming the door behind himself, causing Otis and Cruz to look over to their lieutenants office. They got up and left the bunk room a few moments after Severide had gone to his own quarters, Casey watched them leave, he was still standing by his desk, hands clenched, jaw tight and heart pounding in his chest.

He took some steadying breaths then stormed out of his office, he walked into the common round and looked around at his crew.

"Apparatus floor in ten. We're doing some drills," he announced before turning and heading to his Truck to prepare.

Cruz and Otis shared a look as they all grumbled about doing drills in the summer heat and much to their relief an hour later 81 was called out for a person trapped.

* * *

When they turned up to the scene at a children's play park, Herrmann and Mouch observed it with the same disgruntled expression as Matt got to work, two teenagers were talking to him simultaneously, whilst another was stuck in a toddler swing.

"Hang on, guys, slow down," Matt began, smiling to put them all at ease.

"She's been stuck for ages," one of them said as Matt got closer to the swing, inspecting it.

"What's your name?" Matt asked the girl in the swing.

"Tasha," she responded.

"Hi, Tasha, I'm Matt. We're gonna get you o tog here as soon as possible. Are you hurt at all?"

"I don't think so," she said.

"Ok, there's an ambulance on it's way, they'll check you after," Matt told her.

"Is she gonna be stuck in there forever?"

"I said you shouldn't have done it…"

"Why don't you guys go and sit over there, we'll get Tasha out," Matt told her friends. Once they started to move away, Matt turned to his crew. "Cruz, Otis, let's see if we can do this without breaking the swing."

Just five minutes later Tasha was free from the toddler swing and smiling happily, thanking them all.

"No worries," Matt said. "Just use the other swings in future."

Tasha blushed as she was walked over to the ambulance by the two paramedics.

"All right, let's get out of here," Matt said as he started heading back to their truck.

"What a waste of time…" Mouch mumbled.

Matt paused. It hadn't been the first time he'd grumbled. He turned to him and Herrmann. "She's just a kid, she was having fun with her friends, she wasn't breaking the law or harming anyone."

"We get more important calls to go on, could have stopped someone else from getting…"

"If someone else needed urgent assistance and there was no one but us available then we'd make ourselves available. Didn't you do anything stupid when you were a kid? My sister got her head stuck in the bannister when I was 8, there was no one else at home so I called 911, attitudes like yours will stop people calling us when they need help."

"Sorry, Lieutenant," Mouch said, avoiding his eyes.

* * *

Matt strode out of the firehouse, bag slung over his shoulder, purposely heading towards Adam who was leaning on his car.

Adam was smiling as he approached, but the smile fell as he got closer. "You don't look happy… bad shift?" he asked softly.

"I'm happier now you're here," Matt told him.

"You're tense," Adam said, rubbing Matts shoulders.

"I am," he admitted.

"What happened?"

"Nothing really, just…" His eyes caught Kelly as the man strode out of the firehouse.

Adam frowned. "Is someone bothering you?" he asked, casting a look towards Kelly.

He smiled softly. "No. What would you do if someone was?"

"I know people," Adam told him.

Matt grinned. "You know people?"

"I could get anyone taken out if I wanted to," he said, face passive.

Matt chuckled. "Right… thanks, if ever need a hit I'll let you know."

"See, you're already smiling again. I hate it when your upset, maybe you should take some time off, we could go away?"

"I think I'll struggle at the moment, everyone's using their furlough to go away with their families during summer, and Herrmanns kids are off are school now, he's taking them away…"

"Do you want kids?"

"That was… forward," Matt said.

"I'm just curious," he responded.

"Erm, yeah I did really want kids…" Matt shrugged

"But now?"

"Sometimes I think having bad parents makes people grow up to be bad parents, not all the time but, sometimes. I don't want to be a bad parent," he explained with another shrug.

"I don't think you'd be a bad father. Why were your parents bad?"

Matt stayed silent. "Do you want kids?"

"I'm 50/50, if it happens it happens, I'd be happy either way," Adam told him.

Matt just nodded a little in response.

"You look sad again."

"Can we go? I think everyone's looking at us," Matt said, glancing at the others trickling out of the firehouse. Herrmann, Mouch and Otis were stood chatting not too far from them.

"Let them look," Adam said before swooping in and kissing Matt on the lips.

* * *

Matt spent the day with Adam, knowing he had a construction job the next day, a simple quick job for a regular customer; Mrs Anderson. Adam wasn't impressed but he insisted he'd only be busy for a few hours in the afternoon. They took advantage of the pool in the summer heat they were having and had their own little barbeque outside on the patio, Matt cooked, wanting to make up for the fact he would be going out the next day.

He returned to Adams house once he'd finished up with Mrs Anderson, a sweet elderly lady, who he only ever charged for the cost of any materials he needed to purchase, and sometimes he managed with what he already had. He rang Adam once he was done, heading straight back to his place, he was barely spending any of his time at his own house now, and he didn't mind. He still felt a little uneasy when his clothes were washed for him almost as soon as he took them off, he would still make the bed when he woke though even though Adam teased him for it, telling him that Rosa was paid good money to clean up after him.

Adam grabbed him by the shoulders the moment they stepped through the front door, sending Matt back against the wall with a resounding crack. Matt gasped and would have fallen if it weren't for the firm grip on his shoulders.

"Shit… you ok?"

"Yeah… yeah… keep going…"

"It's been a long twenty-four hours without you."

Matt just nodded and was roughly turned, Adams hands were already expertly unfastening his belt and soon pulling his pants down to his ankles. He held Matt up against the wall as he pulled down his own jeans and briefs before tearing Matts boxers off.

With very little preparation, and very little lube, Adam plunged inside, and it hurt.

Matt let Adam push him against the wall, his legs were weak, and everything was happening at a dizzying speed. A hand wrapped around his own cock, stroking him firmly, taking him from half hard to full mast and already nearing orgasm.

Readjusting his position, Adam slammed Matt fiercely against the wall again, earning another delicious gasp from his sweet lips. Adam couldn't see the pained expression on his face.

Matt woke the next morning with blood on his pillow.


	8. You Hit Your Head

Shay was heading over to her locker, she’d just arrived at the firehouse, and it looked like Matt had too. He was standing in front of his closed locker.  
  
“Hey, Matt,” she greeted as she walked by. She paused and looked back when there was no response. “Matt?”  
  
Matt turned to her. “Huh?”  
  
“I said hey…” She frowned. “Your pupils are uneven…”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Have you taken something?” she asked, peering at him.  
  
“Like what?” he retorted.  
  
“Something illegal… cause if you did last night it’s not worn off…”  
  
“I don’t do that sort of thing…”  
  
“Ok… have you hit your head?” she continued.  
  
Matts eyes found hers.  
  
“You hit your head,” she concluded.  
  
He frowned. “Erm…”  
  
“You hit your head,” she repeated.  
  
“Yeah… yeah I did,” he admitted.  
  
“When?”  
  
“Yesterday,” he said.  
  
“Lose consciousness?”  
  
“No,” he told her.  
  
“You remember what happened? Before and after too?” she queried.   
  
“Yeah,” he said, resigned.  
  
“What happened? If you’re gonna lie don’t say anything…”  
  
“I tripped, fell back,” he responded.  
  
“Sit down,” she instructed.  
  
He did.  
  
“It bled,” she stated as she examined him.  
  
“Yeah, a bit, but I felt fine,” he replied.   
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“I had a headache,” he said.  
  
“It’s not long since you were taken to the hospital with a concussion,” she commented, raising her brows.  
  
“Yeah and I don’t have a concussion this time, I don’t feel nearly as bad,” he told her honestly.   
  
“You have a concussion, you didn’t drive here, did you?”  
  
“No,” he said. Adam had given him a ride.  
  
She put a hand on his shoulder. “Let’s go tell Boden.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“You can’t work, Matt,” she reminded hi,  
  
“Yeah, course.”  
  
~  
  
Shay left Matt in Boden’s office with a sympathetic glance as she closed the door. Matt stood in the room with an impassive expression on his face, preparing himself for the telling off he knew he was about to receive, he realised already what an idiot he’d been to even come into to work but it hadn’t crossed his mind, he’d just been following his routine.   
  
Boden crossed his arms. “You thought you could come to work with a concussion?”  
  
“To be fair, I didn’t realise I…” Matt bit his lip and stopped.  
  
“No, Lieutenant, you don’t get an excuse. You came to work with a concussion. You realise how dangerous that could have been if the alarms had gone off before Shay noticed you’d hit your head?”  
  
Matt didn’t respond, realising Boden was most likely speaking rhetorically. He was also starting to feel queasy as he stood in front of the desk, hands clasped behind his back.   
  
“It’s irresponsible behaviour, I wouldn’t even expect a candidate to make the mistake. You’re supposed to set a good example. Did you drive here?”  
  
“No, sir… Chief… no, I didn’t.”  
  
“Good to know my truck lieutenant isn’t completely irresponsible, you should have…”  
  
Boden didn’t finish his sentence, before he even realised, Matt had thrown up the little food he’d had in his stomach.  
  
Matt wiped his mouth. “Sorry… keep going…” he said breathlessly.  
  
“Sit down. What happened?” he asked, tone softer now.  
  
“Erm… I…” Matt muttered as he took a seat, he’d lost his bearings, his head felt heavy and it was hard to focus.   
  
“Matt?”  
  
“I tripped,” he said.  
  
Boden frowned.  
  
“A series of unfortunate events…” he reeled off quickly. “I’m sorry I came into work, I shouldn’t have done.”  
  
“No, you shouldn’t have,” Boden concurred.   
  
“I’ll make sure Adam keeps an eye on me for the rest of the day,” he said.  
  
“Grab your stuff, I’ll give you a ride,” Boden told him.  
  
“Oh, you don’t need to… Adam dropped me off this morning, he’ll…”  
  
“I’ll give you a ride, you can call him and make sure he’s home when we’re on our way… you want to go to his house?”  
  
“Erm… yeah, I should,” he responded.  
  
“Should?” Boden repeated.  
  
“I have stuff there… let me clean up first,” he said, glancing down at his own vomit.   
  
“Maybe I should take you to the hospital…”  
  
“Shay checked me over,” he told Boden.  
  
Boden pursed his lips in thought. “If you start to feel worse, you’ll go the hospital?”  
  
“Yes, sir… Chief, yes, of course… this morning was… I really didn’t think I had a concussion,” Matt responded earnestly.  
  
“I believe you,” he said.  
  
“I am sorry, I wish could make it up to you somehow… I… I’m really sorry.”  
  
“I know you are.”  
  
~  
  
Boden pulled up outside the address Matt had given him. He glanced across to his truck lieutenant and back to the large white house he could see through the gates; it was impressive. And unexpected, he wondered how Matt had met the man.  
  
“This is it?” Boden asked.  
  
“Yeah,” Matt said wearily, his head was aching. “The gate’ll open automatically when you drive up to it.”  
  
Boden nodded and drove up to the large gate, which did open just as Matt had said. “I don’t think I’ve even been in this part of Chicago before,” he commented.  
  
“I hadn’t either… Adam has a housekeeper… she washed my underwear,” Matt said, a blush rising on his cheeks.   
  
Boden stopped the car end the drive. “Wow… it’s…”  
  
“Very modern, but it’s nice, very functional… very white everywhere though, it’s quite environmentally friendly, I do still prefer the look of older house though,” Matt said, smiling when he saw the front door open, revealing Adam. He turned to Boden. “Thanks for the ride, and I am really sorry I…”  
  
“You don’t need to keep apologising, take the next shift off to, to be on safe side, I’ll see soon.”  
  
“Thank you,” he said gratefully as he unfastened the seat belt.  
  
Boden nodded.   
  
Matt stepped out the car and grabbed his bag. He gave Boden a small wave as he left, once he was most of the way down the driveway he turned back to Adam.   
  
Adam started walking down the steps towards him. “Are you ok?”  
  
“Can we just go inside?” he asked quietly.   
  
Adam nodded. “Yeah, course…”  
  
He reached Matt and took his bag from him. He studied his face and wrapped an arm around his wasit before they headed up to the front door. Matt had phoned him just as he was leaving the firehouse, explaining that he was heading home early, and had wanted to check he could come to the house.   
  
Inside, Adam put Matts bag down and turned to him. “Did something happen?”  
  
“No. I have a concussion,” Matt explained.  
  
Adam looked at him questioningly.  
  
“Probably from hitting the wall too hard last night,” he said.  
  
“You told them?” Adam asked.  
  
“I didn’t even get to roll call, one of the paramedics corned me, took me Boden’s office and here I am, I’m off next shift too,” he responded.  
  
“Well, in that case, I have an idea for you…”  
  
~  
  
Kelly hadn’t heard from Matt for a couple of days. He’d sent him a message but hadn’t had a response, he’d held off calling but he felt uneasy, he had been so used to knowing what Matt was up to and where he was, and now he had no idea. Boden had told him he’d sent him home with a mild concussion, that was all he knew.   
  
He really wasn’t expecting Matt to answer the phone.  
  
“Kelly?” Matts voice came through the receiver, he sounded rushed, like he’d just grabbed for his phone.  
  
“Hey, I was just checking up on you, didn’t get hold of your yesterday…”  
  
“I’m fine, I’m in actually in New York right now,” Matt said.  
  
“What?” he responded, disbelief mixed with confusion in his voice.  
  
“I’m in New York,” Matt repeated.  
  
Kelly could tell he was smiling. “Why are you New York?” he asked curiously.   
  
“It was a last-minute thing, we flew here this morning,” Matt said.  
  
“Adam?”  
  
“Erm… yeah… who else would I be with?” Matt retorted with a short chuckle.  
  
“Right, yeah, well, you ok?”  
  
“Yeah, I’m really good… it’s amazing here… it’s just like the movies…” Matt enthused.  
  
“The flight was good? You were ok?” he asked, knowing Matt had never flown before.  
  
“It was a private plane, was probably the best first flight experience anyone could have,” Matt told him.  
  
“Good, good, I’m glad you’re having a nice time,” he said, though he didn’t feel happy. He was sad that he was with Matt, that he hadn’t been there for Matt’s first flight and first time out of Illinois. He wanted to be pleased for Matt though, because he sounded so happy right now, but it only made him miss the man.  
  
“Thanks, I’ll see soon…”  
  
“You’re not working tomorrow?” Kelly asked.  
  
“No, Boden wanted me to have at least one more shift out… he is a worrier,” he said, shrugging it off.  
  
“You did have another concussion… what happened?”  
  
“Yeah, I’m fine, I gotta go… I’ll see you next shift,” Matt said, tone hurried again, but not from rushing to answer the phone.  
  
“Yeah, bye, Matt.”  
  
~  
  
Adam could see the smile on Matt’s face as he quickly ended his conversation and put his cell phone down on the nightstand, he’d just stepped out of the bathroom, a plume of steam following him out into their luxurious bedroom.   
  
“Who was that?” he asked.  
  
“Kelly,” Matt answered as he got up from the bed.  
  
Adam frowned. “What did he want?”  
  
“Just checking on, Boden had told him why I left work the other day,” he responded.  
  
Adam gave a singular nod in response.   
  
“He called me,” Matt added, he wasn’t sure why it felt like an important piece of information to give Adam, but the expression on Adams face had urged him to explain. “He was just making sure I was all right, it’s a weird brotherly firefighter sorta thing, the stuff we see and do sometimes… it brings us together I guess.”  
  
“You don’t need to explain anything to me. Are you ready to go? We have dinner reservations.”  
  
“Yeah, just need to grab my jacket…”  
  
“Did you bring the one I bought you?”  
  
“Yeah, yeah course I did,” Matt answered.  
  
“You should wear that one tonight,” he told Matt.  
  
“Ok, sure.”  
  
~  
  
Matt was perusing the menu in the restaurant, shocked at how much everything cost but also a little overwhelmed at the choice, partly because everything seemed to sound fancier than it would if were listed on a menu at a regular restaurant. He tried not to laugh at the absurdity of it all, he knew Adam enjoyed his fine dining, and Matt did enjoy it but at times it really did seem quite over the top.   
  
Adam nodded the waiter back over. He arrived at the time right away with a smile on his face. “You’re ready to order?”  
  
Matt looked up over the menu to Adam, he wasn’t ready.  
  
Adam ordered for the two of them without even a glance in Matts direction.  
  
“You’ll love this,” Adam said as the waiter left.  
  
“Ok…” he responded with a worried chuckle.   
  
Adam frowned and looked at him. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“Nothing,” he responded with a smile.  
  
“Good,” Adam said.   
  
“Do you want to make some plans for tomorrow? It’s probably silly but I’d like to go and see…”  
  
“I have a couple of meetings tomorrow,” Adam said before he could finished.  
  
“Ok, that’s fine… erm, I can go do some stuff on my own?” he suggested.  
  
“And then we can have dinner again before flying back home,” Adam told him before taking a sip of wine.  
  
“Sounds good.”


	9. Trouble in Paradise

Kelly caught up with Matt as they all left the briefing room after roll call. It was his first shift back, and he was glad to have him at the firehouse, it always felt odd when Matt wasn't there, like something very important was missing. Matt just seemed to make the place complete, at least in Kelly's eyes.

"How was New York?" he asked with a smile. If Matt was happy, then he was going to be happy for him, he was going to be a supportive friend. Even if he did have his concerns about Adam, and Matts recent injuries.

"It was great," Matt responded.

"You don't sound so enthusiastic about it now…"

"Maybe that's because I'm back at work," Matt countered.

He frowned. "You love being at work?"

"I love being at work? Where we see people that are trapped or dying and…"

"Yeah, helping those people," Kelly went on.

"Yeah, right," he said, forcing a smile as he started walking again, heading to his quarters.

Kelly stuck by his side. "Erm… you catch the game last night, did you like how…"

"I didn't watch," he told Kelly.

"You didn't watch the Blackhawks?" Kelly asked, taken aback.

"Adams not really into ice hockey."

"Ah, well, he's gotta go then," Kelly teased.

But Matt didn't smile.

"Miss your morning coffee?" he teased as they reached the bunk.

"No," Matt said simply.

Kelly's heart had sunk, he had expected Matt to be in a good mood after his break, although he still had his suspicions as to how he ended up with another concussion in the first place.

"Have I done something?" Kelly questioned as they stood by Matts by quarters.

"It's not always about you," he responded, his hand on the doorknob.

"No, so… what's happened?"

Matt shrugged, shaking his head. "Nothing…"

"Trouble in paradise?"

Matt hesitated, giving away more than any words could have done at that point. "I just wasn't ready to come home to reality."

"Yeah, I get that," he responded slowly.

"Well, I'm gonna go read up on some reports," Matt told him, open the door.

"Hey, if you want me to get us tickets to see…"

"Probably not a good idea," Matt said before he could finish.

"Ok… why?" he probed.

"Because you cheated on me," Matt stated, annoyance rising up inside of him.

"Yeah, yeah… guess Adam wouldn't like that…"

"It's got nothing to do with Adam."

"Right…"

He glanced around the room, not wanting anyone within earshot. "Kelly, you broke my heart."

"I never gave you a concussion though," Kelly retorted.

"Broken heart hurts worse," Matt said before turning away, leaving Kelly with his worries confirmed.

Kelly grabbed his arm, stopping him from entering his quarters.

"Does he hit you?" he asked firmly.

Matt shook Kelly's hand away, disgruntled.

"Yes," he responded simply. He then moved closer to Kelly and whispered, "And I like it."

"And when he goes too far? Do you still like it then?"

"I deserve everything I get," Matt spoke, almost spitefully, because he wanted to hurt Kelly, he wanted him to feel some of the pain that he had felt. Then he saw the hurt in Kelly's eyes and immediately regretted it.

"If he is hurting you, I will…" he began, but Matt stopped him.

"The worst thing you could do is interfere. I'm happy. So, you can fuck off, don't ruin me again, I don't know if I can take it," Matt retorted. "He loves me, and he won't leave me."

"It's not love, Matt," he responded softly.

"You don't know what love is."

"Neither do you."

* * *

Matt found himself in Boden's office a few hours later, handing him a form, all filled in and signed. Adrenaline felt like it was flowing through him as he stood in front of the desk.

"What's this?" Boden said, taking it. He knew exactly what it was.

"Transfer request," he answered.

Boden stood up, leaving the form in front of him. "Has something happened?"

"I just want a change," Matt told him.

Boden stood back. "You don't like change," he commented.

"This is a change that I want," Matt responded, nodding.

He could see how set Matt was, he wasn't going to try and dissuade him, not yet at least. "Ok. I'll get it sent to HQ, it'll probably take a while for a position to come up somewhere though."

"Yeah, I know. And do send it, don't just leave it in your desk drawer whilst waiting for some sort revelation to happen that makes me wanna stay here forever and ever… in the meantime, I'd like to take all my furlough when cover can be arranged."

"Have you really thought about all this?"

"Yes. And this is private until my transfer arranged,"

"I understand," Boden said. "And for what it's worth, I know you'll be missed around here."

"And my furlough?"

"I'll see what I can do."

Matt nodded his thanks and then left the room, leaving Boden to sit back down with a heavy sigh. He put his hand to his thoughtfully and watched as Matt left his line of sight. He hadn't imagined this would happen, there were times after Andy's death he thought there was a chance especially with the rift between Matt and Kelly, but he hadn't imagined it would happen now, but he knew there was something going on between the two lieutenants but on this rare occasion he didn't know what had caused it. Perhaps this decision Matt had made didn't have anything to do with it, but he struggled to think why else Matt would want to leave because he wasn't aware of anything else happening in his work life that could prompt it, which left Matts personal life which was as private as ever, although Boden wasn't sure how he felt about Adam. The man seemed to genuinely care about Matt, but as Boden sat there and thought about it, the timing of Matt seemingly becoming closer to his new boyfriend, and the change in his mood at work, all seemed to coincide. But maybe he was trying to find an excuse, maybe Matt just wanted a change, maybe it was the right thing for him at this time.

* * *

Life carried on as normal for the next few weeks, although Matt was barely speaking to Kelly, but he wasn't surprised after the conversation they'd had, Kelly had pushed too far so he had pushed back. Boden had managed to persuade him to wait until there was a possible transfer date before taking some furlough, that way he could have a break before moving firehouse. Matt couldn't remember a time where he'd felt significantly happier away from the firehouse before, but that was the case now, Adam reminded him why they were colleagues, not family or friends, and Matt didn't want to slip up again like he had with Andy, he'd become too friendly and Matt hadn't stopped him from entering the building.

"I've got some friends coming over tonight," Adam told Matt at the breakfast table.

"A special occasion?"

Adam shook his head. "Just fancied it."

"Did you want me here or…"

"Of course I want you," Adam said, smiling warmly.

"It's not business?" he asked, twirling the spoon in his hand.

"Definitely not," Adam told him.

Matt grinned and sat back in his chair. "So it's a sex thing?"

"It is, you game?"

"Maybe." He shrugged. "What is it?"

Adam smiled. "Oh, you'll find out later."

Matt did find out later, and he wasn't keen, but Adam had looked so happy, he didn't want to upset him, he was only ever nice to him so Matt wanted to please him, he'd given him so much recently, and he loved him, and no one had said that to him before.

He readily accepted the drink Adam gave, telling him it would help him to relax.

It did.

He accepted more drinks and two small BLUE? Pills from one of Adams friends. His head buzzed and he soon found himself on the bed, a tangle of arms and legs, and lips. He closed his eyes, sinking into the mattress, he was hot, sweating. Soon he could barely lift his head.

"No… stop…"

"It's ok, Matt, you'll love it."

Matt eventually found Adams amongst the sea of eyes.

"Not this… I don't… I don't want this…" He shook his head, but the whole world spined around him. It fell back down heavily onto the bed, unable to move.

"It's ok, I love you, this is gonna be good, gonna show you a good time," Adam assured him.

He tried to move but his body was cooperating, his limbs were weighed down, he could barely move his hands.

There was a pressure on his arms, movement, they were pulled above his head.

"You sure this is fine?" an unfamiliar voice asked as Matts head rolled to the side, jaw slack.

"He's fine, he loves a good role play, likes to struggle, right, Matt?" Adam said, patting his cheek.

"Mmm…" he muttered. He had no idea what Adam has just said and now his face was blurring in front of his eyes. He felt queasy and almost detached from his own unwilling body.

"Let's get these off…"

Matts mind blanked. He opened his eyes and realised he was lying on his front, but he couldn't think why, or how, every thought was slipping away. There was something wet on his chin. Hands touching him, manhandling him.

He was moving, someone was moaning.

His arms ached, his wrists were being held by something, no someone, and there was a heavy weight across the back of his thighs. He had no strength to move.

He continued to drift in and out of awareness, floating up and down, head rolling, moaning and muttering numbly to the figures around him.

Everything seemed to end, but he still couldn't move. He felt dirty and hot, but exhaustion won over and he fell into a long sleep still almost entirely unaware of everything going on around him.


	10. His Someone

Matt was sitting at his desk in his quarters. He'd barely spoken to Adam for a week, still unsure how he felt about what had happened, and he missed Adam, but the man seemed to be giving the spaced he'd wanted. His missed the man who had put him in that situation. He'd spent days trying to wrap his head around it all, and half a day at a health clinic on the other side of the city getting tested for STDs because he couldn't remember anyone using protection.

A few hours after waking, he started to wonder if he had been raped, but that's not what happened, right? He hadn't been raped, but he'd said no, he could specifically remember saying that he didn't want what was happening, Adam had said he had enjoyed it, and maybe he had, in the blurred memories that he had he'd been hard, he'd orgasmed, he'd felt pleasure. In the end, he'd concluded that he'd probably just drank too much, and he'd found a clinic doing STD tests that was sufficiently inconvenient enough for anyone he knew to end up being there, because he figured that's what would happen, and he didn't want people prying.

Hermann knocked on Matt's door, bringing him abruptly out of thoughts again. "Lieutenant, Adam's here for you," he said with a smile. "Apparatus floor."

Matt said his thanks, then headed to meet him.

"Adam?" he greeted cautiously.

"I thought we could have lunch," Adam said, smiling and holding up two paper bags.

"Yeah, sure, come in…" he responded, turning and walking, wanting Adam to follow him to somewhere more private because he could feel eyes watching them.

Soon they were sitting alone in the briefing room.

"You've been avoiding me," Adam said as he took the food out of the bags.

"Erm… no I got caught up with… ok, yes, I've been avoiding you," he admitted.

"Matt, I am sorry that everything got a bit carried away the other night, my friends can get a bit over enthusiastic... you seemed to be enjoying it though, right?"

"It's fine, don't worry about it… and yeah, yeah, it was great, I guess… erm…" Matt looked at him for a moment and lets out a breath. "One of them… one of them gave me Chlamydia."

"They said they were clean," Adam responded softly, placing his hand on top of Matts apologetically.

"Yeah, well, you better tested too, just in case… I don't really remember anything though so, I don't know if might have it or not but…"

"I'll get tested," Adam said.

He nodded. "Ok."

"You're not gonna run off back to your house again, are you?"

"No, sorry," Matt responded as he took a bite of food, although he didn't have much of an appetite.

"You should sell it," he announced.

"What?"

"You're hardly there, move in with me, officially. You don't somewhere to run too. Move in with me? Let's make it official," Adam told him.

Matt didn't reply right away, trying to get his thoughts straight. "You want me to move in with you?"

"I'd ask you to marry me if I wasn't worried that would scare you off," Adam responded with a light chuckle.

"Marry me…"

"I love you, but why don't we start with you moving in with me?"

Matts smile grew. "Ok."

Adam leaned in and kissed him, chuckling as a blush rose up on Matts cheeks and his eyes looked around for any passers-by.

"I have theatre tickets for tomorrow night," Adam told him.

Matt was still grinning. "The theatre?"

"You don't like the theatre?"

"I've never really been much… or well, I've never been, ever," he said with a chuckle, feeling giddy with the sudden happiness he felt. Adam was his anchor, his stability. He was loved, something he wasn't sure he'd ever have, it had all been a lie with Kelly, and the only affection he ever got from his parents was the occasional thanks after he'd pass them a fresh pack of cigarettes. Matt could only remember one time his mom had told him that she loved him, it was right after she'd killed his dad, right before she was being dragged away by two police officers.

"Never?" Adam broke into his thoughts.

Matt shook his head.

"Well, let's go, we'll go out for dinner first, I'll make a reservation at Junos," Adam told him.

"Doesn't that place have a waiting list that's months long," he responded, having heard them talking about it in the common room a short while back.

"I know some people; I'll get us in."

"All right." He nodded. "Sounds good."  
  


* * *

They lazed in bed together the morning after they'd been to the theatre, Matts head was lying on Adams chest, soothed by his gentle breaths.

"I need to go away in a few days," Adam told him as he twirled his fingers thought Matts growing hair. Adam had persuaded him to grow it, and Matt had agreed, more than happy to please him.

Matt shift his position a little so he could see Adams face. "How long will you be gone?"

"Just a week."

Just a week. I don't think I want to spend a week without you," Matt told him, moving his hand over Adams warm skin, feeling the ripples of taught muscle.

"You can stay here," he said.

Matt frowned. "Really?

"Of course, nicer than your place, and you'll be living here all the time soon," Adam said.

"Yeah, I guess, seems quick…"

A hurt expression washed across Adams face. "You've changed your mind? You don't want to move in with me? You don't love me?"

"What?" Matts voice broke. "No, no. I love you, I love you so much… I can't even… I love you. I want to live with you," he insisted.

"You really do?"

"I _really, really_ do… why don't I come away with you? My furlough hasn't been sorted but I could ask Boden again," he asked with a small shrug, not wanting to upset Adam and make up for what he must have said wrong.

"It's fine, stay here, look after the place, although Rosa will still come by every day," Adam told him.

"Nah, I don't mind cleaning."

Adam chuckled. "No partner of mine is gonna be cleaning. I pay a maid for a reason, no cleaning."

"Partner?" he repeated.

"Bit more sophisticated than boyfriend, and you are moving in with me," Adam said again.

Matt smiled.

"You don't want too?" Adam went on.

Matt was taken aback for a moment. "No, I do, I really do…"

"Good, 'cause I love you. You do worry me though," Adam told him.

"I do? I don't want to worry you. I'm sorry," he said apologetically.

"Have you started the process for putting your house up for sale?" Adam asked.

"Not yet," he answered. It had barely been more than a day since Adam has suggested it.

"Do you want me to help when I'm back? I know how tiring work can be for you. I'm sure I've got some contacts who could sort it all for us," Adam said.

"Sure, ok," Matt accepted despite the pit that opened up in his stomach. He was annoyed at how worried he felt, Adam loved him, and he wasn't getting any younger, adults were supposed to meet someone, settle down and live the rest of their lives together. And Adam was his someone.  
  


* * *

Herrmann watched as Matt refilled his coffee mug and left the common room, his lieutenant had barely been in the room for a minute, but that's how things were at the moment, they were all used to Matt and Kelly shooting each other disgruntled looks and avoiding each other after Andy's death, but this was very different. Matt was very different, almost elusive. Herrmann couldn't remember the last time he'd been over to Molly's, and he'd not been to the most recent BBQ either, and the only time he really spoke to everyone was whist they were actually working together or he was overseeing drills, and even then, it was strictly limited to the job at hand. It was like he didn't want to be here; he wasn't doing anything wrong or reckless at scenes, he just seemed distant. Depression had been the first thing that had come across Herrmanns mind, but he could see how genuinely happy Matt was when their shifts ended, so he wasn't convinced with that idea.

He wasn't the only one to notice Matts behaviour, and there had been gossip and speculation. Herrmann had brought his concerns to Boden but if his chief knew more than he did, he didn't divulge anything.

Herrmann stood up and started heading slowly out of the common room, leaving everyone to their idle chatter. He paced the corridor outside the bunk room a few times, earning some looks from passers-by, and then with determination he pushed open the door and marched over to Matts quarters.

"Hey, Casey," Herrmann as he approached.

"Need something?" he asked as he beckoned Herrmann inside.

"Yeah, yeah I do," Herrmann said.

Matts eyes widened at Herrmanns tone, and his brows lifted as Herrmann sat on his bunk.

"Are you ok?" Herrmann questioned as Matt turned in his chair to face him.

"Yes…" he said flatly.

"Are you?" Herrmann pushed.

"You said you needed something?"

"Yeah, I wanted my lieutenant back," Herrmann announced.

"I'm right here," he said, voice low, like he was weary of the conversation.

"Are you?" Herrmann countered accusatorily.

"What is this, Herrmann?"

"What's going on with you?"

"Nothing. Now, if you didn't actually want anything, I've got to work to do…"

Herrmann shot up, shocking Matt who sat further back in his chair. Matt saw anger flash across his face, and his heart started to pound in his chest. He stood up too, not wanting to be looked down on by the older man.

"You hardly sit in the common room anymore, you barely join in any conversation unless it is work related," he claimed.

"So, what? You've come in here, yelling at me because I've been doing my job?" Matt responded heatedly. "That seems fair."

Herrmann took a breath before responding calmly. "I was just concerned, worried perhaps that something was going on in your personal life?"

"No offence, but my personal life is just that. Personal. I don't intend on having my business known all around the Firehouse," Matt told him firmly.

"Is it work? Has someone done something or have we all…"

"There's nothing wrong," he insisted.

"You're not… you, anymore, you've changed and I don't like what I see," Herrmann told him.

"You think I care? We work together, we're not friends, and I don't want you to be friends with anyone here; this is just work."

"Right, I get the picture," Herrmann said in defeat.

"Good."

Herrmann gave a small nod and left without another word.

Matt clenched his hands, making fists in an attempt to stop them from trembling, his stomach was churning and he could barely control his breaths. He rushed out and headed straight to the bathroom.

He was alone in the bathroom, pacing the floor in front of the row of sinks, frantically running his hands through his hair, he wanted to squeeze his head so tight that it would burst. What the hell was wrong with him? He dashed into the closest stall, fell to his knees and retched. He slammed the door shut with his leg and continued to vomit. When he was done, he collapsed onto the floor, leaning on the side of the stall, tasting the acidic contents of his stomach in his mouth.

He stepped out the stall and almost walked straight into Boden.

"Sorry, Chief, he muttered as he headed over the sink.

Boden watched carefully as Matt splashed cold water over his face, and dried himself with one of the hand towels. "Are you alright?"

Matt looked at him for a moment before deciding how to respond. "I'm not feeling very well."

"Evidently," Boden responded, nodding towards the toilet stall. "Do you need to go home? I can cover for you."

"Yes," he said. "Thank you," he added.

Bodens lips smiled but his eyes did not. "Feel better," he told Matt as he started to leave.

"Yeah, thanks."  
  


* * *

Matt was pacing through around the large open entrance hall as he waited for Adam to answer the phone. He'd arrived there to find he house empty, which he had expected since Adam was away, but it still upset him that he was now alone.

The ringing stopped as Adam answered his called. "Hey, sorry I didn't pick up earlier, are you alright? At the firehouse?" Adam asked him, voice full of concern.

"I've come home," Matt told him.

"How come, babe?"

"I just… I needed to get out of there. I felt so sick, like I was being suffocated, they're all just judging my every move, everything thing I say and do…"

"I'm sorry. Have Rosa make you some chicken noodle soup later, it's really good," Adam suggested kindly.

"I'm not ill, I'm alright," he said.

"Ok, good… I wish things were better at work for you," Adam commented.

He sighed heavily into the phone. "Me too… I just… lost it, I don't know why I can't just be left alone, I don't need checking up on."

"No, you don't, you've me for that," Adam said.

"Exactly… eugh…" He let out another heavy sigh, he was frustrated and annoyed. "I wish you were here."

"So do I. Only a few more days and I'll be back… I could try and leave a day early? Would that help?"

"Yes, I'm sorry… I need you," Matt told him after a moment of silence.

"I'll try my best. I need you too."

Matt smiled at that, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Thank you… what was that?" Matt asked as heard some laughter in the background.

Adam sighed regretfully. "I gotta go, call me later?"

"Of course."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

**TBC**


	11. Another Concussion

It was raining, the downpour was torrential and it only dampened Matts mood further. He was sitting in the back of an ambulance, there were blue lights flashing in the setting sun, making him squint.

"I'm fine, really, I don't need to go in…"

"You need stitches, lieutenant," the paramedic from House 46 told him firmly. "And they'll probably want to do CT, to be safe. You were unconscious and have been disoriented."

"It's Friday evening, ER is gonna be chaotic…" he responded, moving his hands to the c-collar they'd secured around his neck. They were battered away.

"I can't in best judgement, let you go without getting checked out. Now, lie back and let's take you in."

Matt let out a resigned sigh and sat back on the gurney. He must have drifted off because the next moment he was aware, he was surrounded by bright lights and noise. He closed his eyes.

"Can you hear me?"

He tried to move from the offending voice.

"Do you remember what happened?"

Matt realised he wasn't going to get the peace and quiet he wanted, so he opened his eyes again. There was a doctor standing above him.

"Do you remember what happened, sir?" the doctor asked.

"Sir…" Matt repeated. He frowned but the skin on forehead felt tight.

"You're in the ER, do you remember what happened?" she asked him again.

"Mmm…"

"Is there anyone I can call for you? Your emergency contact has…"

A bolt of anxiousness provided enough adrenaline for Matt to sit up, despite strong hands trying to get him to remain still. His world span for a moment. He was moved down and he let out a groan as his back reached the bed. With that attempt failed, Matt next tried to remove the c-collar.

"Need to get out of here…" he muttered when he was stopped.

"Can you tell me your name, please?"

"Matt Casey," he answered.

"Do you know where you are?"

"The ER, I was brought here in an ambulance. I did not want to be brought here," he reeled off.

"You need stitches, you've got a nasty cut on your head, and you're in line for a CT scan and an x-ray."

"I've not broken my neck," he retorted, annoyed,

"It's a precaution."

"It's an expensive precaution," he said, unable to hold back a sigh. "Please don't call my emergency contact," he added, remembering the reason for his anxiousness, because he had not updated his contact details.

"He's already on his way, a nurse has spoken to him," she told him.

"What? Who?"

"Kelly Severide," she said.

Matt felt like he'd shrank a good few inches. "He's on his way?"

She nodded. "You were asking for him when you arrived."

"Where's my phone?" he asked apathetically.

"Here," she said, handing it to him.

Matt took it and stared up at the screen, struggling to focus.

"Would you like me to message someone?"

"Please,"

She took his phone back.

"Adam. Can you just tell him where I am, please, thank you," he said appreciatively, letting his eyes close for a moment as his head was pounding painfully now.

He took a breath and tried to get his feelings under control and before long, he's they're stitching the bloody gash on his forehead, and the c-collar was removed as the x-ray and CT results came back good.

The doctor had smiled as she'd given Matt the good news. "You don't need stay as long you'll have company to keep an eye on you. There was also another matter I wanted to discuss with you, during your examination, I noticed a lot bruising, all in various stages of healing…"

"I'm a…"

"Firefighter," the doctor finished.

"Yeah."

"Matt, that doesn't explain the injuries," she said.

"I dunno then…"

"Do you know if you're anaemic?" she asked him.

"I'm not anaemic."

"We can run some blood tests to…"

"I don't want any more tests," Matt told her.

"You have a lot bruising," she said again.

Matt looked her dead in the eyes. "I box. I'm not very good at it."

She nodded, despite her concern, and the fact that his injuries were quite clearly not from boxing. "I'll discharge you once someone is here for you."

"Thank you."  
  


* * *

Kelly had rushed over to the ER after being told Matt was there, he didn't know what was wrong or what had happened, but he stormed over to the reception area and was taken over to the bay Matt was occupying.

Matt rolled his head when he saw Kelly coming. "Hey," he greeted, somewhat stiffly.

"What happened?" he asked him, glancing over his body to see the damage.

"I have a concussion and needed some stitches…"

"Another concussion?" Kelly questioned.

"I feel fine," he insisted.

"If you feel fine why are you in the hospital? What happened? Did Adam…"

Matt just scowled. "Someone rear-ended me."

"And left a hand shaped bruise?" he responded, brows raised as he looked at Matts upper arm.

Matt pulled up the bed sheet.

"How's your truck?" he asked, trying to avoid the sigh of faint bruises around Matts wrists.

"Probably totalled, was a mess," Matt said.

"You're really alright?"

Suddenly the curtain was pulled aside and Adam rushed him. "Matt, are you alright? I got a message from a nurse and…"

"You came," he responded softly, a smile graced his lips.

Adam turned to Kelly as he placed a hand on Matts shoulder. "I've got it from here."

"Sorry… never changed my emergency contact…" Matt mumbled, looking at Adam apologetically.

Kelly had stepped back, there was a frown across is face as he watched their interaction.

"You were in a car accident" Adam went on, concern etched on his face, stroking Matts cheek.

"Rear-ended me at a stop sign. Truck's damaged and the rest of the boxes are in there too…"

"That's all right, doesn't matter, I'll get you a knew truck and we can get the rest of your stuff. All that matters is that you're fine," Adam told him.

"Fine? He's clearly not fine," Kelly exclaimed. "This whole situation is not fine."

"Kel… I am fine… tried to stop them from calling you… I am fine. Adam's here. I don't need you," Matt said, hardly able to look at him.

Kelly let out a low breath. "Sorry I came," he said before leaving the room.

Matt glanced in the direction Kelly left in once he was gone, then his eyes found Adams and he smiled wearily.

"You're very sore and tired," Adam said, stroking his hair.

He leant into Adams touch. "Mmm…"

"Close those beautiful eyes and rest, I'll be here the whole time."

* * *

Kelly hovered outside the bay for a few moments after leaving Matt alone with Adam, against his better judgement. He spotted one of the ER doctors and headed over to her.

"Hey," he begam as he approached her. "Do you know who treated my friend in there? Matt Casey?"

"That was me, I'm just about to sign him out," she said.

"Erm, ok, great, that's good… erm… sorry…" He fidgeted with the collar of his jacket. "Erm… if I thought he was being hurt by someone, is there anything you guys could do?"

"I'm afraid not, not unless he wants help," she responded sympathetically.

"Even with the bruises?"

She nodded. "I did ask him about them."

"What did he say?"

"He lied. I've written the evidence down in his file, so if he comes in repeatedly, we may eventually be able to intervene," she told him.

"Eventually?" he repeated, dismayed.

"If he doesn't want help, we can't help," she said apologetically, wishing there was something she could do, as they came a across this situation a lot more than she had ever anticipated as a medical student.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"You seem like you've got things covered; keeping your eye on him, being there for him," she responded.

"I have a feeling I will no longer be his emergency contact after today," he said unhappily.

"I'll make another note in his file," she told him.

"Thank you."

"I am sorry that I can't do more."

* * *

Despite doctors orders to take it easy and rest, Matt did not. Sure, he took his next shift off work with little regret, but activities continued as normal in the bedroom department less than twenty-four hours after the accident. It was Matts first day at the house now he'd officially moved in, he'd been getting the last of his things when he'd been rear-ended, and they were already in the bedroom celebrating.

"That's it… that's it… again…"

"Beg me," Adam demanded.

Matt opened his eyes. "Fuck me."

He smiled and adjust his position before and rolling his hips.

"Yes… do that again…." Matt moaned. "Kelly…"

Adam paused his actions and sat back, his hard cock pulling out. "The fuck was that?"

"Wha… what?"

"You're calling out his name," Adam said, glaring down at Matt.

"Who's name?"

"Kelly. Squad Lieutenant Kelly?" he spat out angrily.

Matt pushed himself up so he was leaning on the headboard. "I… sorry… I… I didn't mean to…"

"You're sorry?" Adam repeated. "Have you slept with him?"

"I… yeah, but… it was a mistake…"

"You slut!" he accused, grabbing Matts arm and forcefully handling up and off the bed.

"Adam…" Matt began as he scrambled, trying to right himself now he was on the floor.

"You fucking slut! How many people have you slept with?!"

"It was before…"

"Before what? You slept with him and you never told me! You see him every day at work. Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

Matt was standing now, too shocked to do anything other than take the abuse Adam was shouting at him.

"Hey! Why the fuck didn't you tell me?"

"It… it was over, it was nothing, I don't even him like anymore, he…"

"Anymore?!" Adam repeated. Enraged he grabbed the ornate vase from the nightstand and threw it directly at Matt, who only missed it by a fraction as he ducked to the side.

"Adam, I…"

"After everything I've done for you?! you're calling out his name?!"

"I'm…"

"You're a fucking worthless slut!"

Matt backed into the bedroom wall as Adam rushed over to him, towering over him in a way Matt hadn't seen since he was a child. Matt tried to move as Adam grabbed him again, wincing in anticipation, thinking he was about to get hit. But he wasn't. Adam glared at him, eyes furious and breaths raging. And suddenly Matt found himself being dragged bodily across the room over to the walk-in closet.

He was thrown into the closet, jarring his shoulder on the floor, he let out a pained noise as the doors were slammed shut.


	12. He Never Loved You

"Adam?"

Matt didn't even try the door handle. He knew he was locked in, it wasn't the first time he'd been locked in a closet, although this one was far bigger than the small cupboard he'd been shut in at home when his mother told him he was too much for her to deal with.

As he stood by the door, he could hear Adam rampaging through the door, items smashing and shattering. He moved away, not wanting to be close in case Adam decided to open the doors again. He stood rooted to a spot in the middle of the room, naked, waiting for the noises to calm down. When the noise faded and the air seemed to still, Matt realised he was shaking, and it wasn't because he was cold. He fell to his knees and let out one sob before covering his mouth his hand. He knew from experience that he couldn't make a noise now, if he had done in the past, his moms anger would only increase. He had to make himself disappear.

After some time had passed and everything had remained silent, Matt stood up, deciding to get dressed, it was the least he could do since it was trapped in the closet and starting to feel vulnerable because he was naked. He dressed and sat down again, this time with his back against the wall, he started fidget with his leg, jigging it up and down, trying to distract himself from the fact that he needed to go to the bathroom.

He must have fallen asleep because the next the he knew, he was lying on the floor, on his side, groggy and sore from his position and because of the car accident a few days before. He got to his feet and tried to open the door. It was still locked, and the house was still quiet. He didn't know what the time was and there was no way of telling how many hours had passed, there was no window, but surely Adam wasn't going to keep him in there forever?

He paced, quietly, he was now desperate for the bathroom, it was getting painful but he'd never be desperate enough to call out for Adam, he knew not to do that, he just had to wait.

Matt soon sat back down and waited, images from his childhood flashed around his mind, he scrunched his eyes shut and brought his hands to his head and squeezed as if the memories would be pushed out of his mind. He ended up curled up on the floor, head in his hands, sobbing until he fell to sleep.

He woke to the sound of his name being spoken gently.

"Matt? It's time to wake up," Adams voice came again.

He opened his eyes groggily and found Adam above him, smiling softly. And then Matt came to the worrying realisation that his pants were wet and the painful pressure that had been there before he'd fallen asleep was gone. He'd pissed himself.

"Adam…" he began cautiously.

"Let's get you cleaned up. I ran a bath," Adam told him, taking Matts hand.  
  


* * *

They bathed together and whilst Matt dressed, Adam called and booked a table for lunch. Matt found him in the lounge, his hand was in his pocket, he was holding something. He smiled when he saw Matt.

"These are you for you," Adam told him, handing him a small box.

He flipped the box open and smiled at the cufflinks inside. "Thank you. What are they for?"

"Just a gift. Do I need a reason?"

"No," Matt said, smiling.

"You can wear them to lunch," Adam suggested, taking the box back.

"Thank you… I am sorry about earlier…" he added honestly.

"No, I'm sorry for losing my temper. I didn't mean to, you know that, right?" Adam said as he put the cufflinks on for Matt.

"I know," Matt responded.

"They look good. Do you like them?" Adam asked him, looking at his wrists.

"Yes, thank you. Don't think I've ever been given so many gifts," he gushed.

Soon they were sitting in the restaurant and waiting for their food. Matt seemed unusually quiet to Adam, but he'd let Adam choose his food and order their drinks.

"You're tired," Adam said, it was much more of a statement than a question.

"Yeah, a bit, I did fall asleep on the floor though…"

"Matt," Adam began. "I love you so much I just don't want to lose you. You scared me last night."

"I understand, and I am sorry. I love you too."

Adam reached across the table and placed his hand on Matts. "The last person… the last person I got this close to, well, turned out I was closer to them than they were to me. They were sleeping with someone."

"I'm sorry," Matt said sincerely. "I won't ever do that to you. I promise. It's happened to me too."

"It has?"

"Yeah…" he responded quietly.

Adam gazed at himself, urging him to carry on.

"With Kelly. He cheated on me," Matt admitted.

"I'm sorry. How'd you find out?"

Matts brows furrowed for a moment. "He told me… it was… it was horrible. He never loved me like you do."

"He never loved you at all. You can't love someone and do that to them," Adam told him.

"No," he said in agreement.

* * *

Shay headed over to Matts quarters after returning from a call, she'd tried to catch him after roll call but the alarms had rung out. He'd been off during their last shift.

She knocked and entered before waiting for Matt to respond. "Hey, how are you?" as she sat down on his bunk.

"Fine," he said. "Just catching up on what I missed."

"Kelly told everyone you were in a car accident."

"Someone rear-ended me, no big deal," he told her.

"How's your truck?" she asked.

"Written off," he answered glumly.

"I'm sorry."

"Adam's gonna take me car shopping this weekend," he said.

"Yeah? Got your eye on anything?"

"My old truck," he said with a shrug.

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine, accidents happen," he responded.

"Peed in a cup yet?" she asked. They were having random drug tests during their shift today, they'd all been informed when they'd arrived at the firehouse.

"Nah, the guy's not come to me yet. He catch you?"

She shook her head. "No, but I saw Kelly heading to the bathroom with the little cup. You two still not talking?"

"It's…"

"Complicated?"

"Yeah. Half of me doesn't care," he admitted.

"He's started drinking more," she told him.

"Am I meant to feel guilty?"

"No, I just wanted to know," she said.

He frowned. "Are you worried about his drug test results?"

"No, I don't think so, he'd avoid it if he knew he'd test positive for something."

"Yeah," Matt agreed.

"But still, if you wanna check in on him," she tried.

"He has you. We'd just end shouting at each other if I spoke to him," Matt said.

"Why d'you say that?"

"Because that happens more often than not… and because I was a jerk at the hospital," he added.

"You had a concussion," she excused.

"Not an excuse," he said with a heavy sigh. "He does have you, right?"

"I've got his back."

"Good."

* * *

Matt stepped out of the car when he and Adam arrived home after his shift had ended. He paused at looked at the large object at the bottom of the steps.

"What's the massive crate for?" Matt asked.

"New garden feature," Adam told him. "You'll love it. One of a kind."

"Sounds expensive," he responded as Adam opened the front door.

"You really don't need to worry about money anymore," Adam reminded him.

Matt just smiled.

"You never said how work was?" Adam said as they headed into the kitchen together.

"I said it was just the usual," he responded.

"That's not an answer," Adam told him. He grabbed two mugs from next to the coffee pot.

"Ok, erm… I caught up on paperwork, there was an RTA and a kid got their finger stuck in something, oh and I had to pee in a cup. That was about it," he said as he watched Adam pour two coffees.

"You had to pee in a cup?"

"Yeah someone was over from HQ, random drug tests. Mostly random anyway, they happen at least once a year," Matt explained, taking the mug of coffee from Adam gratefully.

"When will you get the results?"

"Usually within a week, they don't tend to rush them," Matt answered absentmindedly.

"They don't seem to rush anything," he stated.

"What do you mean?"

"Transfer request? How's that going? Do even know when you can take all your furlough?" Adam asked him, there was a hint of accusation in his tone.

"I'm sure Boden's on it," he responded with a shrug.

Concerned, Adam continued. "I don't think he is."

"He is. He wouldn't lie to me," Matt said.

"Are you sure?"

Matt just remained standing their thoughtfully, a frown across his features as he held the coffee mug with both of his hands.

* * *

The thought had been in Matts had for the past forty-eight hours so once roll call had ended, he strode out of the room, on Bodens tail.

"Can we talk?" he asked as he reached the man.

Boden turned, a look of concern on his face.

"Your office?"

Boden tipped his head and Matt silently followed him.

"Is everything alright?" Boden asked him once they were seated.

"No," Matt said.

Boden could see how agitated his truck lieutenant was. His shoulders were tense, eyes wide and he was tapping on his thigh.

"Why hasn't my transfer and furlough been sorted yet?"

"I sent the paperwork to headquarters the day after we spoke about it, I can give them a phone call and see what's…"

"If you sent it why hasn't anything been sorted?"

"I sent it in, Matt," he responded calmly.

"I don't believe you," he said.

"You told me not to wait, not to try and make sure you stayed here with us. Believe it or not, Matt, I do want you to be happy, and if that means transferring then that's what we sort out for you," Boden told him evenly, Matt was like a ticking time bomb.

Matt stood up. "You're lying to me," he accused.

"Have I ever lied to you?"

"I…" Matt hesitated. "I don't know anymore," he said quietly.

"Matt, what's going on? I don't think this is really what you want to be arguing about? You know the process can take time," Boden asked him.

"I said wanted furlough too," Matt reminded him.

"I know, but you've had a bit of time off recently and I think…"

"I don't care anymore. I quit." He threw his hands in the air. "I've had it. I can't do this anymore. I quit."

Boden stood up. "Matt…" he began, but Matt had already left, he was storming out of the bull pen and Boden felt physically sick. He knew there was something wrong with Matt and now he wasn't sure he was going to be able to help.


	13. Just an Accident

_Three Months Later_  
  
Doctor Catrina Marquez was heading over to the nurse’s station, carrying a file and a small frown on her face. “Hey Mark, could you talk to a patient of mine?” she asked the man who had just finished his conversation with someone behind the desk. She handed the chart over to him.  
  
“A laceration? If you don’t have time ask a nurse to stitch…”  
  
“No it’s not that… he’s been in a couple of times now, similar injuries…”  
  
“You suspect abuse,” he stated.  
  
“Yes and I’m… I’m not sure I’m suited to talking to him about it… he’s a firefighter, I’ve spoken to him before and…”  
  
“He won’t talk to you.”  
  
“No … his partner isn’t here at the moment, he’s probably on the way and I doubt he’ll talk at all but maybe he’ll talk to you because you’re a…”  
  
“Gay guy? I’ll see what I can do.”  
  
“Thank you,” she said appreciatively. “He’s in five.”  
  
He gave her a nod and headed over to the bay.  
  
“Hi, Matt, I’ve come to sort your arm out. I’m Doctor Ryan,” he said as he entered.  
  
“Thought a nurse would do that,” Matt responded.   
  
“You don’t mind if I do? I’ve just finished a rotation up in plastics,” he said. He took in Matts appearance, he was smart, but casual, his hair was clean and so was the rest of him, apart from the blood. There were shadows below his eyes, his lips were a little chapped, and he could see some bruising on his arm and neck which made him wonder about what the mans clothes were hiding.  
  
“Makes no difference to me,” Matt responded.  
  
The doctor smiled and sat down, pulling crossed the tray where the stitches kit had been left. “Nasty cut. How’d you manage it?” he asked as he studied Matts right forearm.   
  
Matt shrugged. “Was just an accident.”  
  
“Yeah? My boyfriend severed half his thumb when we started rennervating our apartment. Didn’t think I minded blood or anything until I saw it happen to someone I love. How d’you get that bruise?” he asked, glancing at Matts other arm briefly.  
  
“I don’t know…” Matt responded tiredly.  
  
“Looks like a hand print. Did someone hurt you?”  
  
“Was just an accident,” Matt told him again.  
  
“Yeah? Did they lose their temper?”  
  
“Who?”  
  
“Your partner?” he asked.  
  
“It really was an accident. He didn’t mean it,” Matt responded.  
  
“Does he lose his temper a lot?”  
  
“He doesn’t mean, he loves me, he’s just been busy at work and sometimes I make mistakes,” Matt said carefully, aware that was probing a bit too much now.  
  
“Mistakes?”  
  
Matt just shrugged in response, careful not to move his arm.  
  
“You know if I make a mistake, my boyfriend doesn’t hurt me,” he told Matt, hoping to get him to open up.  
  
Matt shook his head. “It’s different.”  
  
“How so?”  
  
“I like it,” Matt answered, looking at him in the eyes now.  
  
“You like this?” he asked, nodding to the arm his was stitching.  
  
“Not that.” Matt shook his head.  
  
He nodded sympathetically. “Does he do anything else that you don’t like?”  
  
“Some…” Matt paused, looking into the far corner of the room.   
  
“It’s ok, take your time. No judgement here.”  
  
“Sometimes when I’m tired or I just don’t want to… he… erm… I wake up and he’s… and I know we’ve had sex, but I… I didn’t it.”  
  
“Does that happen a lot?”  
  
“I don’t know, I know that’s stupid but I like it,” Matt insisted.  
  
“You like it?” he asked, unconvinced.   
  
“He says I enjoy it… this one time…” Matt began but he stopped himself, biting his lip.  
  
“One time?” he encouraged.  
  
“His friends came over,” Matt said.  
  
He paused what he was doing and looked at Matt. “And had sex with you? Did you consent?”  
  
“No, but I could remember feeling good at some point… I don’t know, I didn’t remember it all very well.”  
  
“Did they use protection?” he asked Matt as he did his best to keep his own emotions in check, but it was all very hard to hear.   
  
Matt shook his head.  
  
“Did you get an STD test after?”  
  
Matt nodded.   
  
“And your partner, does he always use protection?”  
  
Matt shook his head again.  
  
“Have you had any recent STD tests?”  
  
“No, sorry,” Matt said, tiredness showing even more now.  
  
“S’ok, I can get sorted one sorted here for you, just to be on the safe side, and call you with results in a few days.”  
  
Matt frowned.  
  
“You had an instant test before? They do them at sexual health clinic we have once a week, but you’ll get these results faster, the clinic isn’t here until next week… all right, these stitches are all done, I’m gonna bandage your arm, you’ll need to keep them clean, but you’ll be able to work. You’re a firefighter, right?”  
  
“Not anymore,” Matt said quietly.  
  
“No?”  
  
Matt shook his head. “Done some travelling recently, not had time before.”  
  
He gave Matt a smile and stood up. “I’ll be back in a moment, and I’ll take some samples for the STD tests.”  
  
Matt thanked him quietly.  
  
He returned and with the tests. He took a cheek swab and blood sample and then sent Matt to the bathroom so they could also do a urine test.  
  
“I have a new number,” Matt told him as he labelled up the urine sample.  
  
“Ok, we can get that changed for you,” he said, smiling to assure him that it wasn’t a big deal.  
  
“Thank you, is that it?” Matt asked after giving him the new number.  
  
“Matt, if you don’t want to go back to him, because he’s hurting you, we can help,” he said, knowing this was going to be the only chance before Matt left.  
  
“What? No. He loves me.”  
  
“Do you love him?” he asked.  
  
“Of course I do.”  
  
“What if he goes too far next time he loses his temper?”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“You could get really hurt, and I’m talking about the hurt that you like, I mean, he could really hurt you. You’ve got twenty-six stitches in your arm, and it wasn’t accident,” he explained.   
  
Matt stood up. “It was an accident. You don’t understand, no one does…”  
  
“Will you…”  
  
At that moment another man came into the room, he beamed at Matt. “Matt, are you all sorted? Does it hurt?”  
  
“I’m fine now, thank you, can we just go home?”  
  
“Yeah of course, whatever you want,” he told Matt. “Thanks for sorting him out, doc. Do we need to pick up a prescription or anything?”  
  
“No, all sorted,” the doctor responded.   
  
“Thanks. C’mon, let’s get out of here…” he said, putting his arm around Matt, steering him out of the room.  
  
He watched them leave.  
  
“Sorry, I distracted him as long as I could when he arrived,” Doctor Marquez said as she entered the bay soon after they left.  
  
“That’s fine. Matt didn’t want any help. I recognise his boyfriend,” he added.  
  
“Adam?”  
  
He looked to her. “Adam?” he repeated. “Adam Dupierre. He’s one of the richest men in Chicago.”  
  
“Never heard of him,” she responded.  
  
“Family money. They have law firm and own quite a few businesses too.”  
  
“Do you know him?”  
  
He shook his head. “That’s the first time I’ve seen him, other than in magazines and stuff.”  
  
“Matt doesn’t want help then? Did he say much?”  
  
“He is… not in a good place. I hate that we can’t do anything about it…” He sighed heavily.

“What is it?”  
  
“He’s not a firefighter anymore, he has new cell number too, they’d be red flags just on their own. I did manage to do some STD tests, got his new number and told him call with the results,” he explained.  
  
“That’s something at least,” she said.  
  
“It’s probably something we’d need him to come in for, you know, to get the results in person, not over the phone. I’d don’t think he’d question that, and we can check up on him, try talking again, see if he wants help.”  
  
“I think that’s a very good idea. I also think I’m going to give one of his friends a call, someone he used to work with, his old emergency contact, just let him know that he was here, perhaps Matts file hadn’t completely update, maybe there was an error and we didn’t see that the contact numbers had changed,” she suggested casually.  
  
“That works.”  
  
“Yeah, I think so.”


	14. I Forgive You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost there! Can't wait for you all to see chapter 15!

Adam strode across the large garden and over to a newly built outbuilding, he opened the door and leant against the frame with a smile on his face.

Matt didn't notice his arrival right away, too focused on his work.

"Oh, hey!" he greeted Adam.

"Hey, baby," Adam said softly. "You want take-out tonight?"

"Sure if that's what you want, I'm happy with anything," he responded.

"Yeah? Chinese?"

"Sounds good. How was the board meeting?" he asked.

"Boring, uneventful," Adam told him. "Take your shirt off."

Matt let out a short chuckle.

"Take it off," Adam repeated.

He raised his brows questioningly but did as Adam had asked. He folded his top and put it to the side.

"I want to watch you work," Adam said. "Tell me what you're doing."

"It's a frame, the start of something I'm making to organise my tools… feels a bit like buying a wallet to put money in," Matt told him.

"Doesn't matter to me," Adam responded.

After a short while, Matt stopped what he was doing and stepped away from the bench.

"What are you doing?" Adam asked him.

"Going to the house, I need the bathroom," he said simply, moving.

"Hold it."

Matt stood still. "What?

"Hold it," he ordered.

"I need to go," Matt retorted.

"Then piss yourself," Adam told him sternly.

"Adam…"

"Piss yourself if you're desperate, or hold it," Adam repeated.

Matt turned and headed back to the workbench.

"Didn't think so," Adam commented as he watched Matt get back to work.

He looked up and glared at Adam, until his self-preservation kicked in and he forced his eyes away. After a short while, he cast a cautious glance at him and spoke quietly. "Maybe we should order the take-away, or we'll end up eating late?"

"We'll eat when I want us to eat," Adam said.

Matt swallowed. "Have you had a bad day?" he asked cautiously.

"I had a great day…" Adam responded sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

He stood up straighter and faced Adam. "I didn't sign up for us. I didn't uproot my life for this. I quit my job. I barely do any construction work anymore. I hardly leave this house and when I do, I'm barely ever on my own! You need to work on your attitude, you treat me like crap sometimes, I can't just put up with it, you need to…"

"I need to what?"

"You need to treat me better," he said, quieter now. He didn't wait for a response before moving.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?"

"Inside. Away from you."

Adam let him take a few steps past him before violently grabbing his arm and spinning him round. Matts lower back hit the work bench with an agonising pain.

"Don't ever speak to me like that. You know better!"

"I'm sorry. Adam, I'm sorry."

Matt didn't get a chance to duck. A fist flew into his face and he fell to the ground. Adam booted him over and over again, ignoring his cries to stop.

"Please…"

"Shut the fuck up! Quit moaning, you ungrateful little slut!"

Adam pulled him by his hair. He forced Matt over the work bench, one hand around the back of his neck as the other one made quick work of Matts belt and pants, pulling his boxers down to his ankles.

His breath caught in his throat as Adam pounded into him. It was relentless. He could picture his hip bones bruises as they slammed against the edge of the work bench.

Matt was still trying to stifle his sobs when Adam pulled out.

"I'm going to order dinner," Adam said as he walked away, leaving Matt over the bench with warm urine running down his thighs.  
  


* * *

The next morning, Matt was sitting at the breakfast table nursing broken ribs. His eyes were red-rimmed from crying and his jaw was swollen and already bruising.

"Don't want any food?" Rosa asked him.

Matt looked up from his coffee mug to see Rosa offering him a smile. "I'm not hungry, thank you."

"Would you like some ice?"

"Ice?"

"For your face," she said.

Matt winced. "I'm fine, thank you."

"It's no prob…" but she stopped.

Adam had entered the kitchen with a smile on his face. "Good morning," he greeted. When he reached Matt he touched his shoulder gently and gave him a kiss.

Matt smiled. "Hi, morning."

"Have you eaten?"

"Yes," Matt told him even though he hadn't.

"Good. I'm gonna head to the gym. I'll have breakfast when I'm back and this afternoon…"

"We've got friends coming over," Matt finished for him.

"Yeah, ok, I'll see you later."

"Bye."

Matt waited until long after he'd heard the front door shut to stand up, wanting to be sure that Adam had left. He then went up to their bedroom and into the closet and as tears ran down his face, he packed his things into a bin liner and his old sports bag that Adam and chucked into the back of one of the wardrobes.  
  


* * *

Matt had just carried his things down to the front room when the door opened. He froze in the spot as Adam appeared. Matt watched the expression on his face as he studied the scene he'd walked into.

"What's all this?" Adam asked him, walking towards him.

"I… I just need a break," Matt said, finally letting out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. He'd noted how the front door as still open, there was an escape route if he needed it.

"What do you mean?"

"From us, just… I…"

"Don't you love me?" Adam asked, his voice cracking as his eyes widened sadly.

"I do…. Most of the time, I love you so much but… I think… I think you need some help maybe… I think you broke my ribs yesterday… and you raped me… you raped me… I love you, I do, I love you, but I think you need some help…"

Adams expression broke. "Ok."

"What?"

"Ok, I'll get help, but please, please don't leave me, Matt. I love you. I couldn't live without you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for… for everything. I get carried away; I know I do. I'm sorry. Do you forgive me?"

Matt nodded. "I forgive you."

"Do you still love me?"

"I still love you. I didn't really want to leave; I was crying as I was getting my stuff. I love you."

"I'm gonna cancel this afternoon, let's just do something together, yeah?"

"Yeah, that sounds nice."

"How about Paris?"

Matt frowned. "Paris in France?"

"Yes, silly," he responded.

"Erm… yeah, sure, why not," Matt said, chuckling at the idea of a spontaneous trip across the world.

"I'll go get some flights booked for us."


	15. I'm High

Capp and Tony were sitting at the squad table on the darkened apparatus floor, lazily playing a card game when they saw someone approaching them. Capps eyes narrowed as he watched a figure staggering towards them in the darkness.

It was a man, unrecognisable through the blood.

Tony stared at the man for a moment before standing up. "Oh my God…" he muttered.

"What?"

"Get Shay and Rafferty," he said quietly. "And Boden and Severide…"

Capp left and Tony headed over to the man who looked to be getting weaker which each step he took. He soon realised he was wearing no shoes.

"I didn't have anywhere else to go," his voice was weak and strained. Tired.

"Lieutenant Casey… erm… Casey, here, let's get you sitting down…" Tony stumbled over his words, but put an arm around Matt and led him over to the Squad table.

Kelly came through the doors onto the apparatus floor first. "What's going…" He stopped his tracks when he saw Matt sitting next to Tony, he was rocking gently back and forth, eyes wide, muttering. He'd recognised him immediately despite the blood and swelling, and the clothes he wore. "Matt?" he said as he approached.

"I don't know what's going on," Tony told Kelly as he moved out of the way.

Kelly bent down in front of Matt. "Hey, Matt, what's happening?" he asked carefully as he reached out to touch him.

Matts hand shot back with greater speed than Kelly had expected.

"It's ok, Matt," Kelly tried to reassure him. "You're at the firehouse. How'd you get here?"

Tony motioned Matts bloodied feet.

"Did you walk here?" Kelly asked him.

Shay, Rafferty and Boden arrived with Capp. Shay paused as she took in Matts appearance and then quickly went to him, kneeling in front of him as Rafferty grabbed a jump bag from the ambulance. Kelly moved out of the way and stood with Boden, who was now turning around and giving everyone who had been curious about the commotion a warning not to step through the doors onto the apparatus floor.

Matt was struggling to stay upright on the chair, he was slumped to the side as Shay and Rafferty assed him, quickly attaching some monitoring equipment to him, getting his heart rate and blood pressure.

"Matt, have you taken something?" Shay asked after coming to the conclusion that there were no life-threatening injuries.

"Wha…"

"Have you taken any drugs? Prescription or not? Just tell me what you've had so we can help, ok?"

Matt shook his head.

"You're high. What have you taken?" Shay asked again, enunciating every word.

"I'm high…" he repeated.

Shay nodded.

Matt frowned. "He drugged me?"

"Do you know what it was?"

"It's not done this before… fuck…where am I?"

"You're at the firehouse, Matt," Shay told him.

"Shay?"

"Yeah, it's me, Matt."

"No, no, no…"

"It's ok, we're gonna help you. Ok? We're gonna get you into the ambo, then get you checked out.

A faint smile cross Matts face. "You're checking me out? You don't do guys… I'm gonna throw up…" And he did, just as finished speaking. Vomit splattered the floor, and his chest. "Ow… Sorry…" he muttered, vomit on his chin.

"Ow? What hurts?"

"Think my ribs were broken…"

"Ok, we're gonna get you to the hospital, all right?"

"All right…"

Kelly watched, speechless, as Shay and Rafferty helped Matt onto the gurney and fastened him in, aside from the injuries, Matt looked different. It had been more than four months since he'd last seen him, his hair had grown and he'd lost enough weight that it was obvious in his eyes. And Kelly felt guilty, he was carrying bucket loads of guilt, but Matt had practically disappeared, Boden had tried to visit Matt but each time, he never got through the gates. An ER doctor had spoken to Kelly a month ago, letting him know that Matt had been in the ER, and although there wasn't anything Kelly could do, it was a relief just to know that Matt was still in the city.  
  


* * *

Boden was standing outside the bay Matt was being treated in. The ER was relatively quiet, Kelly and Shay were in the waiting area, Boden had thought it best they didn't overcrowd Matt.

"Hi, Chief," the ER doctor greeted him as he came out. "Matt's resting right now. Most his injuries are superficial but, he does have some broken ribs, some are partially healed, and a concussion. He needed some stitches and we've given him some mild painkillers. We've ran a tox screen, I'll get the results soon. Do you want to get the police involved? With the drugs in his system at the moment, he's not able to make decisions for himself right now, but he didn't want a rape kit done, despite evidence that there's been some trauma. There are notes in his file from previous visits, he's being abused?"

Boden nodded. "By his boyfriend."

"Situations like this are really hard, it's very difficult to help if the victim doesn't want help," the doctor responded.

"Can I go in?"

He nodded. "If he wakes, he'll probably be a little confused, maybe even agitated."

"Does he need stay here?"

"We'll see what the tox screen says, I want to know what's in his system before I make any decisions, but we could potentially admit him for the concussion in order to keep out harms reach."

"Thank you."

Matt still hadn't woken by the time the doctor returned with the tox screen results. He checked on Matts vitals.

"He's not woken up yet, is that all right?"

"Considering what's on his tox screen, it makes sense. There's LSD and diazepam in his system, and traces of ketamine too," the doctor told him.

Boden let out a heavy sigh, closing his eyes for a moment. "He tested positive for LSD after a random drug test at the end of last year, I didn't get the results until after he quit, and I couldn't get hold him. I went to Adams house a few times but I never managed to get past the front gate."

"I'm sorry. It sounds like you did the best you could," the doctor said sympathetically.

"Not so sure about that," Boden said quietly.

"He should wake soon, but he may not very lucid, but you're welcome to stay with him. I'll be back to check on him shortly."

"Thank you."  
  


* * *

Boden was about to step out and update Kelly and Shay when he saw Matts eyes flutter open. After a few moments he tried to sit up, but he didn't have the strength and let himself fall back down onto the bed.

"Hey, Matt," Boden greeted him softly.

Matt's head rolled towards.

"Are you in any pain?"

"Mmno…"

"Good, let us know if that changes," Boden said.

"Where…" he began, but trailed off, tired and throat sore.

"You're in the ER," Boden told him.

He frowned. "I… I don't remember…"

"You turned up at the firehouse, hurt and drugged. What happened, Matt?"

"I just… I didn't wanna play anymore…"

"Play?"

"You wouldn't understand," Matt muttered.

"Try me," he urged.

Matt shook his head and moved so his back was facing Boden, and he drifted back to sleep.  
  


* * *

Kelly and Shay stood up as soon as they saw Boden approach. "How is he?" Kelly asked.

"Resting," Boden said.

"What's going on?"

"I think we all know the… the abuse… erm, it's obviously escalated. Now, I'm not a hundred percent certain how to move forwards from here, but we're with Matt, which I think is important now. I don't what happened, it seems Matts ran from him, possibly, he wasn't very forthcoming…"

"You know where Adam lives, I'm going over there and I'm kill the bastard…"

"Kelly…"

"He did this to him! He's been hurting him since the day they met!" Kelly exclaimed, earning some looks from others in the waiting room.

"We need to be really careful about this, for Matt, we need to make sure he's safe, I think whilst he's here, we can make sure Adam doesn't see him," Boden responded.

"Does he know Matt's here?" Kelly asked.

"I don't think so, and Matt doesn't have his phone or wallet on him, it really does look like he left in a hurry. They may be admitting him, which I think would work to our advantage I think."

"Adams just gonna come here and get him," Kelly said.

"Well, he can try, but I think everyone here would be willing to keep the fact Matt is in this hospital a secret, we all know who's doing this. I think we should get the police over here even if it's against Matts wishes, he's not in his best frame of mind, there's enough physical evidence."

"Did he say something?" Shay asked him.

"Yeah, yeah he did," he responded.

Kelly spoke again. "Can I see him?"

"He's sleeping, and I think it might be best, just for now, that…"

"That I don't see him, I'm just gonna make things worse, aren't I?"

"Let's see how the next twenty-four hours go. I'm going to go find the doctor and contact the police. You two may as well go home…"

"I'm staying," they spoke in unison.


	16. Strap you Down

Matt was sitting up on his bed in the ER, tired and still confused as to how he ended up where he was, his head was throbbing, he was nauseous and he was in pain. His legs were sore and his feet had been bandaged, he was gazing down at them numbly when someone appeared in front of him, speaking, but he hadn’t heard anything.  
  
He looked at them after a while, they were now calling his name insistently.  
  
“Wha…”  
  
“How are you feeling, Matt?” the man asked him.  
  
Matt didn’t respond right away, his head was heavy and sluggish. “Who are you?”   
  
“I’m Doctor Carter, we spoke earlier. How are you feeling? Any pain?”  
  
“Tired,” Matt muttered, stretching a little on the bed and wincing.   
  
“That’s expected. There was quite a cocktail of drugs on your tox screen,” the man told him. “How’s the pain? You have some broken ribs, minor lacerations and a concussion.”  
  
“Drugs?” Matt repeated.  
  
“Do you remember when you took them?”  
  
“What did I take?”  
  
“LSD, Diazepam, Ketamine,” the doctor said, studying Matts passive expression.  
  
Matt was silent.  
  
“Matt?”  
  
“I didn’t take all that…”  
  
“What did you have?”  
  
“I erm… I had some blue pills,” Matt told the man, his resolve already breaking. “That’s all I had… I thought.”  
  
“Do you have them a lot?”  
  
Matt shook his head. “Adam gives them to me sometimes… to make me feel good.”  
  
“Did he ever tell you what they were?”  
  
“Was LSD?” Matt asked.  
  
“Yeah looks like it, and he likely gave you Diazepam to help you come down after,” he explained.  
  
“The other one?”  
  
“Ketamine,” he told Matt.  
  
“Isn’t that a horse tranquilizer?”  
  
“It is a sedative, we mainly use it for pain or before anaesthesia.”  
  
“I knew it… I knew he was drugging me, that’s ok though, he’s not in trouble, is he? I could have said no. I don’t know where he gets it from… is he in trouble?”  
  
“The police are involved now, they’ll be coming to speak to you,” the doctor said.  
  
“What? Why? Because of the drugs… I… it was me; I was doing it… I…” Matt insisted.  
  
“Because he’s been hurting you, I’ve seen the notes from my colleagues and even without looking at your file, the chest x-ray alone showed broken ribs in various stages of healing, that plus the bruises and…”   
  
“No, I… I ask for it, it’s me, I want it,” Matt swore.  
  
“How did you end up at the firehouse?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“You walked to the firehouse, do you remember? You may not remember because of the concussion and drugs,” the doctor said softly.   
  
Matt thought back, trying organised the thoughts and images in his head. “I ran…” he said quietly.  
  
“Why did you run?”  
  
He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. Can I leave now?”  
  
“I’m admitting you, you have drugs in your system and a concussion, you’re struggling to recall events. You’ll be taken up to a ward soon. Your friends are in the waiting area, would you like to see them?”  
  
“Boden?” he asked without hiding his surprise, he was too tired for that.  
  
“And two others,” the doctor told him.  
  
“I don’t need them.”  
  
“They’ve been really worried about you.”  
  
“They get the police involved?” Matt asked.  
  
“It was a joint decision,” he responded.  
  
“None of you understand it,” Matt muttered.  
  
“Someone will be in to take you to a ward soon,” the doctor said again. “In the meantime, hit the call button if you need anything.”  
  
As soon as the doctor left, Matt got off the bed, wincing as his heat hit the floor, he was about to pull the IV away from his arm when a familiar voice came from behind him.  
  
“Figured you’d try to run.”  
  
Matt turned and found Shay standing by the door.  
  
“Shay?”  
  
“You should probably get back on the bed before you faint,” she suggested.  
  
“Why are you here?” he asked as lay back down on the bed, she was right, he felt too dizzy and sick, he doubted he’d get out the corridor never mind get out of the hospital.  
  
“You came to the firehouse,” she said.  
  
“So I’ve been told.”  
  
“You don’t remember?”  
  
“Bits and pieces. Could I use your phone?”  
  
“No, not if you’re gonna tell Adam where you are,” Shay told him plainly.  
  
“Why…”  
  
“You’re safe at the moment, we’d like to keep it that way,” she said.  
  
Matt didn’t reply.  
  
“I’m gonna sit with you, is that all right?” she asked, already moving the chair from the corner of the room.  
  
“Don’t think I have a choice, do I?”  
  
“You don’t need to be defensive, you don’t need to me anything, Matt. You’re allowed to need help,” she added.  
  
“I don’t need…” he paused. “I just want… I don’t even know.”  
  
“That’s ok,” she assured him even though it was difficult to see Matt like this, it wasn’t what she was used to, but she’d always known he’d hid his issues well.  
  
“I feel sick…”  
  
She stood up, ready to grab an emesis basin but Matt stopped her.  
  
“Not vomit,” he said.  
  
She sat back down and waited for him to continue even though he looked like he was going to drift off to sleep.  
  
“Sorry about all this…”  
  
“Did Adam do all this to you?”  
  
“We were in Paris two weeks ago. Paris?! Felt like some sort strange dream, I never thought I’d go to Paris. I never thought I’d go anywhere. I’ve been to New York, LA, Hawaii and Paris. He did that for me, he took me places I never thought I’d go. He loves me, tells me every day,” he told her. His eyes fell and he looked away from her.   
  
She remained silent and held his hand as he fell asleep.   
  


  
  
When Matt next woke, he didn’t feel much better though his headache seemed to have faded. He had heard voices when he'd woken but they stopped once he managed to open his eyes. Boden, Shay and Kelly were dotted around him.  
  
“Hey, Matt. You’re in the hospital, you’ve moved up to a room,” Shay told him as he gathered his bearings.  
  
“Where’s Adam? Is he ok?” Matt asked, still glancing around.  
  
Shay gave him a soft smile. “Do you remember what’s happened?”   
  
“Something about the firehouse and drugs…”  
  
“Adam hurt you,” Boden said.  
  
“No, no, he just lost his temper, it happens but I… freaked or something, needed to get out of there, I didn’t mean to hit him, does he hate me? Where is he?”  
  
“What happened?” Boden asked.  
  
“I was just tired, I felt funny and just tired, I didn’t wanna do it again, but I said no, it was my fault, I shouldn’t have hit him,” he explained tiredly, his head foggy.  
  
“Do you remember talking to the doctor earlier?”  
  
“Erm… sorry, my head… I don’t know,” he replied.  
  
“It’s ok, you have a concussion and there some drugs in your system,” Shay reminded him.  
  
“What you all doing here? Why’s he here?” he asked, glancing at Kelly.  
  
Kelly stayed silent but remained in the room, they were there together to show Matt their support.  
  
“We want to make sure you’re safe,” Shay told Matt.  
  
“I am safe,” he responded.  
  
“He was drugging you,” she pointed out.  
  
“I didn’t realise the extent of… how did not know how bad it was?”  
  
“Because he was drugging you,” Boden added.  
  
“But…”  
  
“What is it?” Shay asked when he fell silent.  
  
“I’m… I’m tired of it all, it’s… I… I don’t… I can’t explain it, how I… how I’m feeling right now… I’m just… I’m sorry, I’m sorry for being such a mess, such a burden, I don’t get why you’re here, I was horrible to everyone,” Matt said.  
  
“I think everyone figured there was something going on,” Shay responded.  
  
He shook his head. “Not an excuse.”  
  
“No, but it’s a very valid reason.”  
  
“What happens now? What do I do now? I sold my house, I left everything at his. I should just go back, he does love me, I’ve never…” Matt stopped himself from continuing, already regretting how much he was talking but he was so tired of it all. Part of him just wanted to fall asleep and never wake up again, because there was no way out of this.  
  
“The police are going come and take a statement from you and open a case. Once you’re discharged, you can stay with either me, or at their apartment, the choice is yours, we just want keep you safe from Adam whilst the police do their job,” Boden explained.  
  
Matt just remained silent.  
  
“Could we have a few minutes?” Shay spoke.  
  
Kelly and Boden left.  
  
“It’s ok that you still love him,” Shay told Matt.  
  
“They think he’s a bad person,” he said.  
  
“Kelly and Boden see you hurt now. But it’s ok that you love him, don’t feel bad about that,” she responded.  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
“It is going to be good to get the police involved though, Matt, because he has hurt you,” she explained.  
  
Matt nodded.  
  
“I think deep down, you’ve known this has been a bad situation for a while,” she went on.  
  
Matt was picking at the tape holding the cannula in place on his arm.  
  
“I also think, he made you feel good too, he cared about, tells you how much he loves you, takes you travelling, buys you gifts…”  
  
“He always apologises, and he… I… I almost left but we talked and he was going to get help,” Matt told her.  
  
“Did he try to get help?” she asked.  
  
“No.”  
  
“I am sorry, Matt.”  
  
“You really are?”  
  
“I am. I care about you, everyone at the firehouse does.”  
  
“You know, I told my teacher about my parents once, how she… erm… I told the teacher, he didn’t do anything, I thought it was normal until I went to a sleepover and saw this house and this perfect family, but I don’t get that, that’s not what I get, but then Adam, no one’s ever treated me a nice as Adam does, and when he does lose his temper, he really is sorry and he does love me, and I love him, how do I walk away from that? Someone who actually loves me.”  
  
“Is all the pain worth it?”  
  
“I… I don’t know… it was, but… I… no… I can’t do it anymore, I don’t want it anymore, but if I leave then… I’ll have no one, I’ll be on my own,” he responded.  
  
“I think being on our own can be good, we grow up as kids being told that you will meet your soulmate, you’ll get married and live happily every after. Does that fit with your experience of marriage? Your parents weren’t happy, they didn’t live happily ever after, so why would you if you stayed with someone that hurt you like they hurt you.”  
  
“But they loved me too.”  
  
“Do you want all this? More hospital trips? More excuses and insincere promises to get help?”  
  
Matt was silent for a short while, fidgeting with the tape again before looking to Shay. “No. No, I want my life back. It wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t this.”  
  
“Good, ‘cause Boden and Kelly were ready strap you down so you didn’t leave,” she told him with a wry smile.  
  
The irony wasn’t lost on Matt but he didn’t say anything.


	17. For the Best

Kelly couldn't quite believe that Matt was currently sitting on his couch in his apartment. He'd been discharged from the hospital that morning, after agreeing to stay with Kelly and Shay. Kelly wasn't sure how easy it was going to be to keep him here though, although he had no phone, no keys and no wallet.

He stepped over to the couch and gave Matt a gentle smile. "You doing alright?"

Matt looked at him slowly. "Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry about all this."

"None of us have actually asked you what you wanna do, not really," Kelly spoke softly.

"I didn't want the cops involved," he said.

"I know, and I think I understand why, but it was for the best," Kelly responded

"That's what everyone always says."

"I'm sorry."

Matt gazed at him.

"You're too good of a person to have had so much shit happen," Kelly told him.

Matt frowned. "You think I'm a good person?"

"Yeah," he responded sincerely. "Erm, do you a drink or anything? Painkillers?"

"I'm fine… I…"

"What is it?"

"Nothing," Matt said.

"I know we're not friends or whatever but… talk to me?"

Matt swallowed. "Just, I think the gravity of the situation is hitting me. I need my own place, don't even have my wallet… my ID, my…"

"We'll get it all sorted, I'll give the cops a ring tomorrow, see what's happening, and hopefully we can safely go and get your stuff," Kelly said.

"Just like that?"

"Yeah, sound a plan?" Kelly asked him.

He nodded. "Yeah, yeah, thank you."

"I've got your back."

"After everything I did… you're all helping me," Matt said, hardly believing it.

"Well, you did turn up at the firehouse covered in blood," he pointed out.

"I'd have just left me," Matt responded with a short sigh.

Kelly let out a short chuckle. "No, you wouldn't have. Now, are you sure you don't want a drink? Something to eat?"

"Do you mind if I go to bed?"

"No, of course now. The room's all set up, there's some clean clothes in there that should fit, fresh towels, blankets too and yeah, it's all ready for you. Just shout if you need anything."

"Thanks."

Kelly watched him walk slowly to the spare room, careful on his bandaged feet.  
  


* * *

It was early the next day when Kelly threw his phone down in frustration, it slid across the kitchen worktop, causing Shay to look at him with concern.

"What is it?" Shay asked.

Kelly nodded over to the spare bedroom, wanting to keep their voices quiet so Matt couldn't hear, although Kelly was sure he was sleeping.

"There's no record of the charges filed," Kelly said, exasperated.

"That's impossible, we were then when Matt made his statement."

"Well, I just got off the phone with them, was calling to see if there'd been any progress; there's no case. I have a horrible feeling that Adam has friends in high places. What do I tell Matt?"

"The truth," she said.

"He's not stepped foot out of that room since yesterday, he's hurting already," Kelly responded.

"I'll talk to him…"

"No, I'll do it, I was only saying yesterday how talking to the cops was the right thing to do," he said.

Kelly steeled himself and headed to the spare bedroom door. He knocked and waited.

"Matt?"

He responded after a moment. "Yeah?"

"Mind if I come in?"

"Sure…"

"Morning," Kelly greeted as he entered. Matt was sitting up in the bed, his bare chest showing. He could see the myriad of bruises that had formed, it looked painful.

"Morning," he said, very aware that Kelly's eyes were focused on his chest.

Kelly swallowed. "You alright for a drink?"

Matt glanced at the nightstand where there was half a glass of water, besides a pill bottle containing painkillers. "Yeah."

Kelly nodded as he approached the bed. "Mind if I sit?"

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Erm… I just got off the phone with the cops, wanted an update… there's no record of the charges against Adam," Kelly explained.

"Makes sense, his father is good friends with the commissioner," he responded.

"Did you know?"

"What?"

"Talking to the police would be a waste of time?" Kelly questioned.

"I did say I didn't want to get them involved. Sorry."

"You liked my plan yesterday?"

"Yeah, would have been nice if it worked like that," Matt said.

"Yeah, things aren't so simple… with a lot of things…" he added.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing. You want breakfast?"

"I'm good. Might shower if I can figure out how to keep my feet dry…"

"We've got some saran wrap?"

"Might work."  
  


* * *

Freshly showered, and feet freshly bandaged by Shay even though Matt had of course insisted he could sort it all out just fine on his own, he was sitting on the couch with Kelly.

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm gonna go and get my stuff," Matt announced.

"Matt…"

"I'm not gonna let him win this because he's friends with some cops, I didn't want to press charges in the first place, it wasn't gonna do anything and it didn't. I'm gonna get my stuff and that can be the end of it. I'll start looking for a new place, I'll be out of here as soon as I can be," Matt went on.

"You're welcome here for as long as you need…"

"Kelly, I appreciate this but…"

"But you hate me, which I deserve," Kelly said.

"I don't hate you… look, I'm… I'm broken, in the end it wouldn't have worked between us anyway. I'm never gonna have a… a normal relationship, just taken me a bit too long to figure that out. I'll be out of your life soon."

"I don't want you out of my life… what the hell is normal anyway?" Kelly asked.

"I'm a mess, Kelly. Who the hell lets someone hurt them, and still loves them?"

"You still love him? And… me? I hurt you? Your parents hurt you. Who else hurt you?"

Matt smiled wryly. "You wanna list?"

"Please stay here," Kelly said.

"I can't."

"Will you come back to the firehouse?" Kelly asked.

"Don't think I can do that either," he responded sadly.

"Because of me?"

"Because of a positive drug test. Boden told me at the hospital."

"You didn't know you were being drugged," Kelly pointed out.

"Do you think HQ would believe that?"

"I guess not… we'll figure something out. In the meantime, you can stay here as long as you need, and feel free to use any of my stuff," he offered, smiling.

"Thanks, Kelly."  
  


* * *

Matt had been with Kelly for almost a week, he was healing, physically at least. He was sleeping a lot of the time; it was an attempt to avoid the pit of anxiousness that was gnawing away at him. He didn't like change, and he didn't like how nothing felt stable anymore, at least with Adam things were consistent and he could keep himself busy. Now, he felt lonely when Kelly and Shay were at the firehouse, he missed it, but he wasn't ready to admit that.

"Can I use your phone?" Matt asked Kelly.

"Adam?"

"Gonna call him, yeah, gonna get my stuff, finish it all, move on," he listed.

"Ok," Kelly said, he'd accepted that Matt was going to have to get his things at some point, he was just grateful Matt was willing to stay for a while longer.

Kelly drove them over to Adams place.

"I'll be as quick as I can, I'll get the car so you'll see the gate open," Matt told him as he parked by the gate.

Matt stepped out the car. He reached the front gate and hit the buzzer.

"Hey, Adam… I've come for my stuff," he said into the camera.

Adam let him through.


	18. I Can't Feel My Legs

Kelly anxiously glanced down at his watch. He'd been waiting long enough and his worry had increased so much so that he rang the police as he walked up to the front gate, he walked around and found a spot to climb over the fence. As he approached the house, he heard noises, and he didn't want to wait for the police.

He burst into the house; into what he could only describe as some sort of graphic crime scene he'd seen on one of the shows Shay liked to watch. He turned and found Adam with Matt a few yards from the bottom of the stairs. His heart caught in his throat. Adam was raping Matt, who was barely conscious.

"Get off him!" Kelly screamed. "Get off him!" he yelled again, physically pulling Adam off Matt, revealing his broken body before he was suddenly hit.

Adam had punched his jaw. Fuck it hurt. He gathered himself, and hit back.

"You fucking dirtbag!" Kelly's fist slammed into Adams face and he saw red. It wasn't until the cops were pulling him off that he realised it was all over.

He scrambled over to Matt as a very dazed and bloody Adam was put in handcuffs.

"Matt…" He put his hand on Matt's forehead and watched as his eyes fluttered, pupils unfocused.

"I can't feel my legs…"

Kelly froze for a moment. "EMTs are almost here. You're ok, you're ok…"

Matt frowned as Kelly took off his jacket, covering Matts lower half to give him some dignity.

"Kelly?" he asked, as if he'd only just realised who was kneeling over him. A single tear fell from Matts eye. He didn't seem at all aware of the chaos that was happening around him. Adam was yelling and cursing, being pulled away by the police, the paramedics were rushing through the front door, and photos of the scene were already being taken.

"Yeah, it's me, I'm here."

"I… I think I fell…"

"You fell?"

"I… he… he grabbed me… I… where's Adam?"

Adam was being escorted out of the house, past the paramedics. "He's a fucking slut, I wouldn't go near him without gloves if I were you," he warned them scathingly.

Matt flinched as he heard the world 'slut' and Kelly had to use all his willpower to resist the urge to beat the guy up again.

"Looks like he may he fell down the stairs and was dragged here," one of the cops told the paramedics. There were bloody streaks from the bottom of the stairs, and splatters of blood on the previously pristine white staircase, and several of the railings were broken.

Kelly had to step back as the paramedics got to work, stabilising Matts neck, and pelvis after a quick examination suspected it was fractured. Matt was unconscious now.

"He said… he can't feel his legs," Kelly told them.

"We'll take care of him."  
**  
** Kelly got to the ER as fast as he could. He'd had to give a statement to the police before he could follow the ambulance to the hospital. On his way, he called Boden and filled him in. The man was sitting in the ER with him now. Kelly was holding an ice pack to his jaw, when Boden had arrived because of the course the man had insisted he was seen too. Kelly's only thoughts were on Matt though as he waited for someone to check out his own injuries.  
  


* * *

Matt opened his eyes to chaos.

"Hi, honey, can you hear me?"

There was so much noise.

"Let's get some more fluids into him… and…"

"Matt, can you hear me?" the nearby voice came again.

He let out a groan in response.

"Good. Do you remember what happened?"

"His blood pressure's dropping…"

Matt frowned. Who were they talking about?"

"Matt, do you know where you are?"

He didn't.

"You're in the emergency room. You're safe."

_Safe from what?_

"How's your pain? Do you want some painkillers?"

They were talking about him.

"Can I have the ultrasound… thanks…"

"There's more blood coming for his inner ear."

"Matt, how are you doing? How's the pain?"

"There's rectal bleeding…"

"Matt, how's the pain?"

Matt was struggling to concentrate, there were so many voices now.

"There's bleeding, not sure where it's coming from, let the OR know we're coming up…"

He closed his eyes.


	19. I'm Not Leaving

Boden pulled back the curtain to Kelly's cubicle. He'd not had to wait too long to be taken from the waiting room, and now Boden had spoken to the ER doctor that had seen Matt too.

"How is he?" Kelly asked immediately as he saw his chief's grave expression.

"He needs surgery, they're prepping him now. How are you? Has someone checked you over yet?"

"Surgery?"

"He's bleeding internally, there's an unstable pelvic fracture," Boden explained.

"He said he couldn't feel his legs?"

"They've ruled out a spinal fracture, but there's swelling and contusions."

"That's good?"

"Yeah," Boden responded although he didn't sound positive. "There's a head injury amongst other… he's gonna have tough road ahead. Has someone seen you yet?"

"She wants to get an x-ray of my hand just to be safe. I'm fine though. Head injury?"

"Your face is swelling like…"

"I'm fine… head injury? Can I see Matt before the surgery?" he asked.

"You can see him after," Boden responded. "There's a bleed on his brain."

"Fuck… I should have…"

"Kelly, none of this is your fault."

"I should have gone in with him, I was sitting outside whilst that bastard was… he was… I pulled him off…"

"None of this is your fault," Boden said again.

Kelly just looked at him gravely.  
  


* * *

One x-ray and one hour later, Kelly's right hand was encased in plaster; he'd broken three bones. Shay had now arrived at the hospital, and everyone at the firehouse had been told that Matt was having emergency surgery, and that Adam had been arrested.

After several hours of waiting, the surgeon came out to the waiting area.

"Matthew Casey's family?"

Boden stood up. Shay woke Kelly by lightly touching his shoulder, he startled but he quickly focused on the surgeon who was approaching them.

"How is he?" Kelly asked.

"He's being taking into the post-op room now where he'll be monitored and then he'll to the ICU. The pelvic fracture caused some internal bleeding but we found the source and it's been repaired; his pelvis has been stabilised with some internal fixtures and should heal nicely. There's a temporal bone fracture, and he has a small bleed in his brain which is going to be monitored, it should heal without any need for surgery. There's extensive bruising, and he also has some more broken ribs. He will heal, there are some complications we'll look out for but he's in really good hands now."

Kelly just nodded. "Excuse me…"

Kelly barely made it to the toilet stall before he fell to his knees and threw up violently.

"Kelly?"

"This is the men's room," Kelly stated.

"I'm a concerned off-duty paramedic checking on your welfare. You look like you've seen a ghost."

"I felt sick as soon as Matt walked through those gates. But I… Matt hates me, and he has every right to, but I was trying to make things more bearable? I didn't want to be…. Overbearing and now... I should have listened to my gut and heart, but my head… I was trying to repair my friendship with Matt and… I can't get the image out of my head… it's right there… I can't get it out!" Kelly clamped his hands over his eyes.

"Hey, hey…" Shay began soothingly, taking his arms, moving his hands away from his eyes. "Matt thought he was safe going to get his stuff."

"But I knew he wasn't, he hasn't been safe for months."

Boden was standing outside when they stepped out the bathroom.

"One of us can see him once he's in the ICU, it'll be a few hours yet so, Kelly, you should go home and get some rest and…"

"I'm not leaving him again."

"I'll stay here with him," Shay offered.

"I'm not leaving."

Boden nodded. "I'll call around, see if I can get an update on Adam…"

"They're here for us. I gave my statement to that cop on the left," Kelly said as he watched two police officers step out of the elevator.

"Hopefully they can update us," Shay spoke.

"If that guy walks, I'm gonna go round and…" Kelly stopped himself from continuing. The two officers had approached him. "What's happening with Adam?" he asked them.

"He's in a holding cell, waiting for bail," the man responded.

"Bail? But he…"

"We can provide an officer to remain with Matt if you're concerned. We've come to get a statement from Matt," the officer said.

"He's just had major surgery, you won't get a statement today," Kelly said. "They'll have evidence of his injuries though here though."

"I'll go find the doctor that spoke to us," Boden said before he strode away.  
  


* * *

Kelly was still in the waiting area, sitting with Shay and Boden, waiting until he could see Matt. A nurse had come out to speak to them and told them that Matt had woken from the anaesthetic, and had answered a few questions. Now, Kelly was eyeing the two police officers who were talking to the doctor, he couldn't hear what they were saying.

"His injuries are consistent with abuse, there's evidence of past breaks, bruises in various stages of healing, there's ER visits," the doctor told the officers.

"How would you say his injuries were caused today?"

"He was very likely pushed with some force down a flight of stairs. He was beaten and raped," the doctor said.

"How do you know it wasn't consensual? Apparently, he was into some kinky stuff…"

"Because he couldn't give consent, being barely conscious, which I'm sure you saw when you entered the house," the doctor responded.

"Ok," the officer said as he finished taking notes. "When will we be able to get a statement from Matt?"

"Not for a few days at least."

"We'll be back in a few days then."


	20. Hearing Loss

Kelly was allowed into the ICU. He hesitated when he reached the bay he'd been told Matt was in, he wasn't the right person for this, why would Matt want to see him? But then who else would he want to see? Everything was fucked up.

A nurse from inside the bay gave Kelly a warm smile.

He stepped forwards. "Is he sleeping?" he asked cautiously.

"He is, but you can come in," she told him

Kelly nodded. He moved inside but didn't go much further. He could hardly see Matt through all of the medical equipment. He was still wearing a cervical collar, supporting his neck where some of the worst bruising was, there were bruises over his arms and face, the only skin that was exposed, the right side of his face was swollen and there was a nasal cannula providing some oxygen.

"It can be daunting to see all the equipment, but he's doing really well," she said reassuringly.

"He is?"

She nodded. "He's woken four times now, three times in post op, and once in here."

"You spoke to him?"

"Very briefly, he's very tired, but he managed neuro checks," she explained.

"Is he in any pain?"

She shook her head. "He's getting a lot of medication to make sure he's comfortable."

Kelly nodded again, letting out a long breath.

"Are you alright? I think you should sit down," she suggested politely.

"Sorry…" he said as he sat down. "I am alright. It's just… that bastard… I should have gone in earlier, shouldn't have let Matt go in without me, I feel sick. Sorry… sorry… you're not here for this…"

"It's fine. You saved Matts life, he got here, and is healing now, because of you. It doesn't feel like that, you saw something horrible happening to your friend."

"Do you ever wish you could back in time? If I could go back one year…" he fell silent and his gaze fixed on Matt. "He's gonna be alright?"

"We're taking really good care of him," she responded.  
  


* * *

Matt was barely conscious, bright lights assaulted his vision, he heard someone groaning, it sounded far away. He forced his eyes to stay open, he could hardly focus even, his head felt heavy, he was tired, no, he was exhausted, and he wondered if he was drugged, apparently that had been happening a lot lately.

He soon managed to focus on the voice, and found the person that it belonged too.

"Hi there, I'm Doctor Shaw, we've met before, do you remember me?"

He scrunched his eyes shut for a moment as he responded. "No…"

"That's ok. Can you tell me your name please?"

"Matt," he said, his voice was quiet, throat sore and his neck felt stiff but he couldn't move to figure out why.

"Last name?"

"Casey," he answered, annoyed at their persistence.

"Good, thank you, Matt. Are you in any pain?"

He let out a breath. "No…"

"That's good. Now, I know you're tired but I'm gonna ask you a few questions. Do you know where you are?"

"Guessing… hospital," he said, not bothering to glance around.

"You are in the hospital, you're in the ICU. Do you remember how got hurt?"

Matt closed his eyes. "Blurry."

"What do you remember, Matt?"

"Erm… grabbed, yelling…" he continued, eyes still closed.

"OK, your memory should come back to you, you have a concussion and minor brain bleed. Can you tell me what city we're in?"

"Sorry… what?" he said as he looked at the doctor.

"What city are we in?"

"Chicago," he answered.

"Good. And can you tell many fingers I'm holding?" the doctor aske him, holding up his hand.

"Three."

"Good. I'm gonna take your hands… can you squeeze my hands please?"

Matt did was he was asked but found his grip was very weak, but he didn't seem to care, he just wanted to be left in peace now.

The doctor pulled back the bed sheet so Matts feet were uncovered. "Can your wiggle your toes for me?"

Matt strained his eyes to look as he moved his toes; they weren't moving. "What's wrong with me?"

"Can you feel this?"

Matt watched as the doctor ran something along the bottom of his foot. He could hardly feel it. "Little."

"Is this any stronger?" the doctor asking, exerting more pressure.

"No… sorry… what's wrong with my legs?"

"Your spine was heavily bruised and it's caused some swelling, it should heal," the doctor explained. "There are other injuries, you'll heal and with some rehab you should get back to your normal life, would you like me tell you?"

"Tired…"

"Ok, that's fine, I'll let you rest."  
  


* * *

Shay looked up from her phone when Kelly arrived back in the ICU waiting room, they'd been there all morning after eventually going home to rest the night before. Kelly had left to get coffee, but he was also carrying something else.

"What's that?" Shay asked. She could see exactly what Kelly was carrying over to the trash can.

"A bad idea," Kelly huffed.

"He likes dinosaurs," Shay said.

"It's a stuffed toy. A bad idea," he responded, holding up the bright green dinosaur.

"You obviously didn't think that when you bought it from the gift shop," she responded, brows raised as she studied him; he was exhausted, she doubted he'd got much rest.

"I'm sleep deprived, that seems like a reason," he huffed, sitting down with the stuffed toy.

"Or you figured Matt was all alone in a hospital room and that might make him smile?"

Kelly's expression fell, and he shrugged. "I don't know why I'm here."

"Because you know Matt's first instinct is to push everyone away, you know that you both still care about each other, even if it is deep down. You know Matt doesn't have anyone else but us."

"I wanna kill that manipulative bastard."

"Apparently you would have done if the cops had been any later," she said having heard what had happened by now. News travels fast, especially gossip, and Adam and Matts relationship was the latest buzz, although spoken in hushed tones.

"If I see him again and he's not behind bars, I'm the last he's gonna see," Kelly warned.

One of Matts nurses had approached them. "Morning guys," she began cheerily.

"Hi, how is he?" Shay asked her.

"He's still very tired and groggy, the doctor wants to run some additional tests when he's a little more awake," she told them both.

"He's ok? Can we see him?" Kelly asked, although he had no idea what he'd say or do if Matt was awake.

"They want to do some auditory tests, but he's ok, there seems to be some hearing loss. You can see him for a short time, if we sit to his left, that seems to be easier for him if you to speak to him," the nurse said.

"Hearing loss?" Kelly repeated.

"It's most likely because of the skull fracture, the doctor will be able to update you," she replied.

"Is he awake?"

"He was just now, he's on a lot pain medication, but he's communicating," she answered.

Kelly looked to Shay. "Can we go in together?"

She nodded. "Just keep things calm and quiet, he's struggling hold a conversation but it'll be nice for to see some familiar faces."

"Ok, thank you," Shay responded.

She gave them a smile and headed back to the ICU.

Shay turned to Kelly. "Are you ok?"

"Hearing loss," he said simply.

"I know…" she responded sadly. "Are you going to be ok seeing him, if he's still awake?"

"I'll have to be."

"He may ask us about Adam," she warmed him.

"Don't worry, I won't lose my cool."  
  


* * *

Matt was gazing up at the joint where the wall met the ceiling, he could hardly move still, the cervical collar was still secured around his neck, supporting it because of the damage he'd received, the doctor had explained it to him earlier on but he could barely recall the conversation, and he found himself not caring, and he didn't think that was because of the strong drugs flowing through his system.

"Hey, Matt."

It was Shay, he forced his eyes to find her as she came over to his left side.

"Just me and Kelly, thought we'd come and make sure you weren't already begging to get out of here," she told him.

Matt rolled his eyes. He appreciated her candidness.

"How are you holding up?" she asked.

He didn't know how to answer that so he didn't.

"The nurse said you're on a lot pain meds, are you comfortable?"

"I guess. Can't move anyway, or feel much… own fault, don't worry, I'll be fine," he slurred out.

"The doctor seems to think it's going to be temporary, it's from the shock," she said.

"Yeah…" he responded apathetically.

"Do you need anything? Want anything? We could get your phone, laptop? Some nice blankets?"

"Thanks… s'fine though… Adam?"

"He was in a holding cell last night, he's being released on bail later. Boden and Kelly went and got your stuff, the things that you'd put in bags, your truck's outside our apartment block," she answered.

"He pays for my medical insurance since I quit…"

"Ok, you don't need to worry about that now, we'll make sure it's all sorted," she assured him.

"The cops have put an officer outside your room too, just in case, so you don't need to worry about that either," Kelly spoke up, keeping the stuff toy behind his back.

"Just in case?" Matt repeated.

"In case Adam tries to find you," Shay explained.

"Oh… right…"

"Do you remember much?" Kelly asked him, earning a stern look for Shay.

Matt didn't answer, and it looked like he was struggling to stay conscious.

"Get some rest, Matt. Do you mind if we stay a short while?" Shay asked.

He forced his weary eyes over to hers, the unshed tears in his eyes were all she needed for an answer. She took his hand as she sat down beside him.  
  


* * *

Matt woke in pain, and alone, it took him a while to remember he was in the hospital, he didn't how long he'd been out, or how long he'd been here.

A woman swam in front of vision. "Hey, Matt, it's ok, the painkillers will kick in very soon."

"Wha…"

"You're alright, Matt. Let's try and take some breaths, nice long breath in… that's it… and out… good… in…. out… in… out… yeah, that's it, you've got this…"

Matt found himself relaxing as the medication kicked in.

"How's the pain?"

"Erm…" He swallowed, quickly growing tired. "Everywhere…"

"Still?"

"Fading… I'm fading…"

"It's just the drugs, Matt. You're ok."

"Who're you..?"

"I'm one of your nurses; Dana. You're in the ICU. Do you remember why?"

She watched as realisation turned to panic in his eyes. "Oh shit…" he muttered.

"Matt?"

"Adam… he… he…" he stopped, not wanting to say it.

"It's ok, Matt, you're gonna be alright," she said.

Matt didn't say anything more, but in his mind, he knew nothing was going to be alright; he had no home, and now he was all alone again. He supposed none of it mattered now anyway, he was stuck in this hospital bed for the foreseeable future, unable to sit up, let alone move his legs. Adam loved him, he loved Adam. Loved? He'd hurt Matt before, raped him before. Even in his head, the word sounded too harsh, he hadn't wanted it, but Adam loved him, they were partners, Matt must have wanted it, but he'd been unconscious this time, and before he could barely recall anything but he'd been unable to string a sentence together, never mind make decisions.

It was all a mess.

He just wanted to stop thinking.

He looked at the nurse.

"How are you doing?"

"Everything hurts," he said.

"Still?"

"Yes."

"I'll give you another shot, but it's going to make you really groggy, but it should manage the pain for you."

He closed his eyes and let his thoughts drift away as the second dose of medication flowed through his bruised and battered body.


End file.
